Honestly not sure what to make of it...
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old FemaleSo... Let's start with the basics. I'm a sophmore in High School, and I am currently very interested in a very close friend of mine who is also a senior. For privacy's sake, let's call him "Bob".
We didn't really end up becoming close until this year. We were involved in one of our school theatrical productions (he was in stage crew, and I had a minor role), and started a few conversations here and there. Then it began to grow into more personal stuff.
But what really broke the ice was our school's homecoming dance. It was nothing intimate or really special- actually, it was more humorous than anything. At the time, I was having some issues with a guy who is a year older and was stalking me, to the point where I'd had to report him to the school twice to get him to leave me alone. Again, for privacy's sake, let's call him "Phil". So, when Phil started staring at me and all during the homecoming dance, I dove into a group of people I was acquainted with (Bob included in this group), hoping to be able to hide amongst them for a bit. At this point there were no feelings for Bob.
Later on that night, I felt a bit bad about creeping on him and his group of friends. As I was closest to Bob at this point, I sent him a quick facebook message that night explaining the situation. As one might expect, he understood and then said that he could be a "shield" whenever I needed it. After that we chatted for a bit, but nothing too serious.
Time went on, and we started talking more, both on and offline, and we began to get closer. Our conversations started getting very personal, even going into the fact that we had both come from families with an abusive parent.
So, eventually I started crushing on him. Big time. With the age difference, and him going off to college soon, I tried to brush it off but couldn't. Eventually he started giving me some strong signals too- some flirting, giving me the occasional nick name, talking to me rather than his closer friends, a lot of hugging, and taking a lot of concern and interest in what was going on in my life/my interests... And then he, recently, started dating another girl.
I was, obviously, disappointed. But I have been putting the friendship first, as he is my friend before being the guy I am interested in. However, Bob is still giving me clear signals that he might be interested. When he hugs me, it's normally for a very long time and he rubs my back, he asks me to walk with him places during school, and he continues to share personal things with me, and a lot of staring. He also hangs around me a lot during the current theatrical productions my school is doing. And I'm not the only one who's noticed, as several friends have pointed this out to me.
I'm confused. I'm not going to "go for him" while he's in a relationship, but I would like some insight as to what he's thinking.
RomanceClass.com AdviceI think Bob likes you very much, and you are being wise by being careful to only be friends. Since he does have a girlfriend, you do not want to interfere with that. And as you mentioned, he will be leaving for college soon. Most relationships that start when someone leaves for college do not end happily. The first year of college is very chaotic and emotionally consuming.
Your friendship with him is probably more worthwhile for now than trying to start something in the middle of all this other confusion.
He sounds like a good friend to have, no matter what happens. You can keep that going and see if a spark might kindle later some time in the future. He might even carry a torch for YOU! :)
-- from Jill
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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