He always lies

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I've been with my boyfriend for 6 years and we've been throguh alot together and I dont know if I trust him or if I ever can again.

We broke up when he was in college and turned 21 so he could explore his options or whatever and while we were broken up we were still together you could say when he would come home or call but didn't tell anyone. In the meantime he was dating another girl and was telling everyone (friends, Family) that he had this girlfriend but told them not to tell me.

I found out about it wouldn't talk to him he lied said he broke it off but didn't. We dealt with that then he was pulled out of school and was home and we began to see each other again but he kept saying he didn't want a girlfriend right now but I didn't care I was in love with him.

I convinced him to move in with me and caught him talking to women on the internet. I mean making dates with them and doing god knows what. I found out about it contacted one of the girls she called him at work with me on the other line and he denied having a gilrlfriend or even living with me.

I forgot about it because the next day I had to fly to Florida because my grandfather had just died and I needed support. Since then for the past two years he has lied about alot of things mostly small things but even when I have proof he's lying he continues to lie to me.

I don't think I trust him or if he'll ever change. I'm afraid he's going to cheat on me again and I won't know about it. I hate always being suspicious. I don't know what to do but all we do is fight and even though I ask him why he hasn't still asked me to marry him I don't even know that I want to marry him. I just need some advice because I don't know what to do.

RomanceClass.com Advice
I know it's really, really tempting to want to keep going forward with a relationship and somehow "fix it". But believe me, marriage NEVER fixes ANYTHING. It just makes all the current situations more charged. So if you guys are fighting a lot (which is REALLY BAD) that will get worse. If he's lying a lot, he'll lie even more! So definitely do NOT push him to get married right now. That's the last thing you want to do.

This guy is constantly lying to you and has from the very beginning. This is NOT going to miraculously change. And you simply cannot live with someone who lies to you like that. What happens if you guys had kids and he starts lying to them, and sleeping with other women, and brings home sexual diseases? Will his kids respect him? Will his kids respect you?

I know it's hard to give up on something you've invested years in. But a real relationship lasts DECADES and you still have many, many years before you. The sooner you make a stand and look for a new, healthy partner for yourself, the sooner you can realize just how much you were putting up with with your existing partner.

If he is still living with you I would tell him you need some space to think about things and that he should move out for a while. Tell him that his constant lying has tainted your relationship. If he makes a huge effort, and goes to therapy with you and really seems to turn around, you can always move back in together. But until then, you really need to have your own space. You should NOT be arguing all the time. That is NOT healthy.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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