My boyfriend claims he slept on the couch of another woman

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
My boyfried and I have dated for 7 months. We made a promise to each other to be committed, that if any thing was wrong to talk.

One night he got drunk and was upset with me and went home from a bar with someone else. He promises me that nothing happened, that he slept on the couch. He said when he met her they had things in common and he enjoyed talking to her.

How can I believe him? He has told me several times how sorry he is and that he wants me to try to forgive him. This is a small town we live in and everyone knows.. Everyone is shocked because it is just not his style. Advice
It is incredibly hard to believe another person who is caught cheating. They've already shown they're willing to do things that are selfish. Who is to say where they will draw the line at that? He let himself get drunk, he let himself go walking off with a strange woman, he let himself stay there overnight. Getting drunk is bad - but it doesn't turn a saint into a mass murderer. It just lowers your resistance to things you want to do. A drunk person who hated spiders probably wouldn't start petting spiders. A drunk person who liked cinnamon hots might eat 80 of them on a bet. So it had to be something they were already inclined to do that now they did.

It can be really hard if not impossible to get over a betrayal, whether his betrayal was just going off with her or sleeping with her. He was upset enough to go out and get drunk, which is an incredibly bad way of dealing with a problem. So there were big issues already which he made worse.

I would really talk to a therapist both to resolve those issues and to resolve the betrayal problems. That is probably your best bet in getting through this with the relationship - and it might get stronger than before. But if you just keep going forward not trusting him and having the issues just as strong as they were before, it's likely to tear you guys apart. There are people out there who were betrayed once and who literally never trusted another partner fully again. Take care of this now, so it doesn't happen to you.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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