Is He the One?

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I have been with this guy on and off for three years and I want to know how do I tell if he feels the way I feel for him. How do I know he wants what I want out of this relationship. I guess what I'm really asking is how can I tell if he's the one. I know I don't want anyone else but can we be happy forever together? Advice
You ask about five different questions in there :) First, how do you know what he wants. Well, if you're in a serious relationship, you should be able to talk about anything, get honest answers, and go through these subjects. It's what is the basis of a good relationship. So sit down with him and talk about what you want out of this, what he wants, and where you both can go to meet these needs.

If you don't want anyone else, then he is the one for you :) He should be able to tell you if he feels the same way about you. You need to both feel that way for the relationship to work - it can't work if just one person wants it to.

As far as being happy together forever, in some ways that has little to do with what you are both *right now*. People change incredibly over the years. Even if you both are perfectly happy right now because say you both scuba dive together all the time, what happens in 10 years when you don't scuba dive any more? If that was what made you happy and the ONLY thing, then the relationship will fall apart. That's what happens to many people, they base their relationship on some "thing" - great sex, a love of baseball - and when that "thing" goes away, they don't have anything else.

So the key is to stay *best friends* in your relationship. If you're always best friends, then no matter how you change over the years (and you WILL change), you'll keep that friendship. If he learns a new hobby, you'll learn it too. If you want to travel more, he'll travel with you. You have to keep working at it, constantly, to always grow together. If you just sort of 'drift' and assume the relationship will somehow take care of itself, you'll grow apart.

So that's the key. If you are committed to working *every day* to keep the relationship happy, and if he is also committed, then it will work. If you both are always open and honest with each other and trust each other and talk together, you can work through anything.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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