We Were Fighting All the Time

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
My boyfriend of three years just broke up with me about three months ago. A month or so before we broke up we were kinda fighting a lot. One day we got into a fight and I asked him if he wanted to break up and he said no then the next day he broke up with me. He told me that he didn't like what we were going through everyday and that he didn't need a girlfriend and didn't want to be in a relationship. That he wanted to be by himself and just worry about himself; do what he wanted to do. Figure out what he wanted to do in life.

I told him that I love him and want to be with him and I even wrote him a letter asking him to give me another chance, but he just says he can't. But He says that he still wants to be friends and that he still loves me and misses me. He still has my pictures and everyhting hanging up in his room and I know he is not with anyone else.

What should I do should I just let him go move on or do you think that there is a chance we might get back together. But I don't know if I want to wait around. Is there something wrong with him. (He was the type of guy that would do anything for me when we were going out)

RomanceClass.com Advice
If you and this guy were fighting all the time, something was SERIOUSLY wrong. That is not normal in a relationship. You shouldn't fight at all! You should talk about issues and resolve them. To fight and yell means you are lacking respect for each other and feel intimidating each other is the only way to get a solution.

So for you to just think "let's get back together" is never going to work. The issues that caused you to fight are still there! They haven't miraculously vanished. Your ex is quite right in not wanting to deal with that fighting. And he knows that the issues are still there too.

So if you really want to start a new relationship with him you have to be 100% totally HONEST with him. Sit down with him - I have tips here -

http://www.romanceclass.com/miscr/howto/hardtalk.asp

and TALK ABOUT THE PROBLEMS. Why were you fighting? What caused it? What didn't you like about the relationship? What didn't he? Fights don't just "happen". They are like a volcano explosion because of great pressures building up. You have to talk about and deal with those pressures, and make a solemn vow NOT to fight in the future. To talk about ANY issue before it gets to that pressure point. Otherwise it just won't work.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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