She's Stringing Me Along

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I dated my ex girlfriend for two years before we broke up about two months ago. Before she dumped me she was super distant and would only get excited to go out and hang with her new friends that i had never met before. She broke up with me for good about a week after our 2 year anniversary. I have been misserable for the last 2 months. She has been stringing me along telling me she wanted to get back with me but she wasnt sure if it was for the right reasons.

After she dumped me i commited to make the move to go to Washington DC for 6 months to live with my sister. We currently live in Laconia New Hampshire. Recently she seems that she really wants to try and make it work, but every time we try and hang out she isnt able to show me any affection even though she says she wants to be back with me and loves me and misses me on the phone. She says she is afraid to fall back in love with me and depend on me so much.

Recently she revealed that she has made a good guy friend since we broke up. She says they hang out and watch movies together but they are nothing more then friends. I belive that is true now but i know that for a while before we started dating she was just my friend and had no interest in me otherwise. Given her past im not sure I am going to be able to trust her to not fall in love with another guy while im gone.

She kissed another guy the first night she left for college and didnt tell me about it untill she was done her first year of college. I love her and I am miserable without her. But her flip flopping emotions are really starting to take a toll on my mental well being. Im not sure what to do. Advice
It definitely sounds like she is just using you as a safety net while she feels lonely after the breakup. Things weren't right between you two and instead of working on them, she withdrew and then broke up. She hasn't made any attempt to tell you why she didn't enjoy the relationship, or to work on it to make it better. Instead she sort of uses you to soothe her loneliness but is now looking around to find another guy to date.

I would move to DC and make a fresh start of things. Yes, you'll miss her. It's always lonely after a breakup. But DC is full of interesting people and things to do. Make some new friends, sign up with a club or two that shares your interests. I think you'll find that soon you've got a new girlfriend who really cares for you and who is fully honest with you. You will look back and realize that your ex just wasn't right for you and that it was a great thing that she set you free - so you could find a girl who was really great for you.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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