Fashion Queen and Normal Guy

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
There's this girl in my geography class who sits next to me (we have to sit boy-girl) who over the year I have grown to really like. She's a really good friend etc etc but recently I realised how much I really fancied her. I also realised that she really fancies me as well.

This would be ok if not for one tiny thing. She's very, very popular, pretty, fashion conscious and to be truthful I'm...not. So she's afraid of mockery from her friends if she admits her feelings in public and I don't want to do that to her. Advice
This is the plot of probably half of the coming-of-age movies out there! And the lesson they ALL learn by the end of the movie is - who really cares what your friends think? It sounds like you're in high school. When you leave high school, you normally stay in touch with maybe ONE OR TWO friends and that is it. Many times you never talk with your high school friends ever again! What those friends think does NOT MATTER. All that matters is what you personally feel and what she personally feels. If she forms her entire life around what her friends think, she is going to end up never being happy - because she is going to be living "their life" and not HER life.

One of THE most important things you have to learn as a teeanger to do what is good for YOU and to realize that if your friends ARE good friends they will support you. If they abandon you, they were pretty shallow, meaningless friends and you were much better off without them!

Another key thing here is that dating "eye candy" is one of the worst ways possible to choose a date. If what she is concerned about is "having a model boyfriend to decorate her arm with" she is JUST as bad as those 80 year old guys who date 16 year old blonde bimbos to show them off as possessions!! A relationship is about being with someone you LOVE and care for, it is NOT about *using* someone to decorate you. So if anything, by showing her caring for you she is showing she is far more mature than the MTV-addicted kids who have fallen for the really dumb idea that "you must date someone who LOOKS good rather than someone who is good FOR you".

So this is time for her to start growing up and stop thinking like a MTV-watching 12 year old. It's time for her to stand up for what is good for her - and to find out if her friends are worthy of being CALLED friends. Believe me, if she looks back on her high school years and has to think, "Well I *could* have had a great boyfriend but I let him get away because I was too obsessed about my image", she is going to regret that for the rest of her life.

-- from Jenn
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