Her Ex Came Back, She Broke Up With Me

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I was dating this girl for a couple of weeks. Things were great the first week. She was all about me and called me all the time, and always wanted to hangout. Then all of a sudden, the next week it was a complete 180. I could tell something was wrong with her or that something was bothering her. She just wasnt her perky self i was used to seeing.

Then one day, she told me that we needed to talk. She told me that now wasnt a good time for us. That she had some "excess" baggage to deal with, something fromt the past had come up. She said she need to handle some issues on her own and decide what she really wanted in her life. Then later that night on the phone. She called me and told me that there was a third party and that they had been there for a long time. She told me that "even though I was the better guy, and she knew that she was probably making the wrong decision, She felt she had to do this. Even though she knew nothing would come out of it because nothing had ever come out of it in the past." She said there was nothing i could do right now. But she wants to stay friends because Im the sweetest guy she knows. And she said that I didnt do anything wrong.

Whats up with that? I mean this girl had a crush on me for months long before she even knew my name or even knew who i was. She came chasing after me and rushed right in to the relationship. I dont understand how she can finally get what she wanted for so long and then just let it go even though she knew she was making the wrong decision?

Isn't that wierd. She pursued me, i didnt pursue her. I kept my guard up, and right when I let it down, look what happened. Shes been single for like a year, and Im her first real relationship since that time. Her friends say shes always talking about wanting to have a relationship, why would she finally get one, then not want it?

Even though she wanted to stay friends, we dont hardly talk at all. The only reason she would give for the break up was that she had issues she had to take care of on her own. Thats all i could get out of her because i didnt want to piss her off.

What should I do cause i really like this girl. shes 19 and Im 22, maybe her age has something to do with it. I just dont know. what do yall think? I think a guy from the past came back up but thats just me.

RomanceClass.com Advice
It really does sound like the ex came back into her life and she got confused. She really did her best to get through the rebound period, to make sure she was very clear of him and ready for a new date, and started to date you. It seems that when she began dating you she really was making a new fresh start and was honest about that.

But sometimes exs are tricky. Sometimes they stay away until they see their girlfriend dating a new guy, and then they get jealous and try to get her back again. So this ex could have very easily done that. So the poor girl gets through all her heartache and pain and suffering, and is ready to start afresh. But then just when she starts dating you and finding new happiness in life, her ex comes swooping back in with tales of "Oh I've missed you!" and "I made the greatest mistake in my entire life, take me back!" Believe me, after months and months of pain and agony those are sometimes the EXACT words you want to hear to make you believe it was all worth it, that your pain and sorrow wasn't for nothing.

So she probably is really confused and not sure what to do. She knows her ex was a jerk. She knows that he abandoned her for all those months! But still, he does have that history with her, and she did spend all that time missing him and hoping he'd come back to her. And now that he has ... can she just turn him away?

I would stay there and be a friend for her, but you have to let her work this out for herself. It has to be her decision to finally tell the ex to get lost. If you try to "convince" her to do it, she'll always look at it as YOUR decision and it will make things even more confused in her mind.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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