Going from Friend to Boyfriend-Girlfriend

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
Well the girl I've been talking to for a while that I really, really like told me that she isn't looking to be in a relationship right now and she said it is to early for her to know if she has feelings for me. this hurt me because I really know she likes me as more than a friend you can just tell when she looks at me. It just feels like we are suppose to be togther. But it is like something is holding her back. I respect what she says because there isn't anything I can do about it except wait. And some of our friends say we would look good together. But now this kinda sets back everything. Because I feel ackward knowing that she knows I want to be more than just friends. I really like this girl. It was love at first sight as they would say and it is strange because it has never happen to me before. But now I don't know how to establish to her that I will be there for her as a friend and there for when she decides she wants to be more than just that. I know I have to be patient and I am I just don't want my feelings to come out to soon and mess up what ever we could have. She still says I can call her but what do I say now. When we hang how do I act. Because i get shy when girls know I like them.

RomanceClass.com Advice
Well first, you can never tell just by looking at someone how they feel inside :) The first step in any relationship is to trust what they say to you, and not assume that they're lying because you think you see something else. She says she's not ready to be really dating. Which makes it sound like you went leaping into the "go out with me" talk without really building into the friendship first. "Looking good together" isn't the basis of a relationship :) Being able to talk together, openly and honestly, is :)

OK, so let's go back to the friendship. You should be talking with her a lot, getting to know her, sharing all your hopes and fears, hearing all of her hopes and fears. You should be going to movies as friends, having dinner as friends, hugging each other goodbye, talking on the phone. If you're not doing these sorts of things, then she's right, you are trying to leapfrog into things. You say you "loved her when you saw her" but what did you love then? Her hair? Her eyes? That's sort of treating her like a doll where the only thing that matters is her body and not her emotions or mind or anything else. Which is really not a nice way to treat a person. If you love someone it should be for what they *are* inside, and you can't know that just by looking at someone. You can only know that by talking to them for weeks and weeks, to learn what they are really like.

So give her that respect. Don't give her the message, "all I care about is your body." Talk with her, learn about her, be there for her. If you're going to "love" her, love her for what she REALLY is, not just because you thought she had a cute nose. And when you actually DO know her and do still love her for what she is, at that point you will have been spending time with her and doing things with her and she will also have feelings for you.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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