The Player and his New Victim

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
We were working together in the same office, thats where I met him. We instantly clicked and that feeling was so strong. we started talking for hours and hours for the first two weeks.

And then one of my co-worker told me that he already had a GF for 6 six yrs. I felt so cheated. And when I asked him as to why he hid that fact from me , he said cos he wanted to speak to me & know me more cos he liked a lot. and then he told me everything abt his relationship. I liked him all the more and we slowly started moving more closer.

Now he can't leave his gf cos she is crazy abt him and he doesn't wanna brk her heart. He is not all that happy with her though. On the other hand he likes me a lot and is happiest when he is with me . I 'm so confused and wanna make him mine . Pls let me know how do I make him all mine without being bad !!! Advice
OK let's try to think about this logically. In order to PROTECT his girlfriend he is LYING AND BETRAYING her because this will make her happy?? Don't you think that what would REALLY make his girlfriend happy would be to have a guy that was honest, truthful, loyal and 100% dedicated to her? Instead she has a boyfriend who is lying, cheating and who knows what else behind her back. And he does it all to protect HIMSELF from dealing with her anger. If he really loved her, he wouldn't have started taking up with you. Obviously he cares more about his own happiness rather than the happiness of the partner he's with.

I know you're in that rosy-glass phase of the relationship and you'll have all sorts of excuses for his behavior. But when it comes down to it, when you are in a relationship you make a commitment to that person to always work on issues, to TELL the person when you aren't happy, to work through problems and find solutions. Instead, your guy has lied to her, hid things from her, and his "solution" was to go out and find a new girl so he can prepare to abandon her without having the stress of being alone. That seems REALLY slimy and not at all nice.

Sure, tell him to make a decision. Tell him that his girlfriend deserves a real boyfriend and not someone that doesn't even care about her! Don't you think she would be happier with someone who REALLY loved her? Doesn't she deserve that? Does the guy really think she's so icky that NO OTHER GUY could possibly want her and that the best she can do is "the dregs" of this guy who doesn't even care about her any more? That's pretty mean of him to think.

But be warned. This guy has *already* proved that as soon as things get difficult in a relationship, his solution is to find someone new. His solution is NOT to be honest, to talk about the issues or to find workable solutions. And believe me, EVERY relationship goes through its ups and downs. So enjoy the fun times while you have them - because I really doubt this guy would be there for you when things began to get rough. He'd just start looking around, and you wouldn't know it until he gave you your walking papers.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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