My Girlfriend is Depressed and Confused

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
well I've been with my ex for 3 yrs. I'm 24 yrs old and she's 26. Through those 3 yrs she has hurt me, here and there yet I was able to forgive her everytime and some how we have been able to work things out.

Its only recently that she hurt me again, and we both kinda broke things up... After a few days I was able to forgive her again, but she said she's to afraid to hurt me again. I told her that even though they hurt me it something we both can work on and fix.

Throughout this relationship she has gotten depressed, and down about her life. Yet I have always been there to pick her up and hold her hand through anything she went through. I told her I love her that much and I'd do anything. she told me I'm the only person that she has loved her that much and couldn't believe that even though she has hurt me and tried to push me away (b/c its easier to deal with), I'm able to forgive her and still love her with out any regret.

She has told me she wants nothing more then to marry me .... Now its been a week or so and she said she needs time to fig herself out and even maybe date other people to become strong enough so that she can support herself and not need any one to help her, on her feet when life has her down and out b/c thats important to her..... she also said she feels guilty and wasn't sure if I was just in the relastionship b/c I'm comfortable or in it for the long haul. yet through everything i've done and been through with her I thought she would have known that i'm in it for the long haul, and I've told her may times I am.

Now I want to give her time and space to find herself. ..yet I find myself woundering why she needs time away, and to see other people... I know she loves me.. I can just see it in her eyes, and I love her but it hurts alot not being able to help her ...when she needs me the most...

she doesn't know about her feelings about me, her self worth, or life, and feels very numb right now. with in the last three days I've seen her and told her how much she means to me, and that I'll be there for her when ever she wants. she's kinda got upset that I havn't been able to just give her the space and time for the last three days but she just can't say no to seeing me or talking to me ... I know i should leave her alone but I want her to know what she means to me and I'm afriad she will leave my life forever just b/c she feels guilty and sad..b/c she always pushes away when ever she feels that way.

My fear is also that maybe she is just saying that to let me down easy or something, i'm very confused and love her with all my heart, i'd like to know what to do and if there's anything i can do to help her and get her back in my life. please help me

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RomanceClass.com Advice
It definitely sounds like something strange is going on here. You have been there for her, been reliable, stood by her side even despite her being mean to you. And her solution is to go date other guys and get rid of you for a while? If she wanted to "find herself and her own strength" she should NOT be dating other guys. How in the world is that finding her OWN strength??

Part of being strong is having good friends beside you and not treating them like dirt. It sounds like she's really saying "I want to date other guys, leave me alone so I don't feel guilty about it." A friend does NOT push away a friend for selfish reasons.

I would offer to go to a therapist with her. Tell her you care about her and you want to see her through this and that a therapist can help her find that center she desires. But she's NOT going to find it by randomly dating new guys and she's not going to find it by abandoning her friends. If that's really the course she plots for herself, she's just going to get more lost. If she refuses to go to therapy and says she just wants to do whatever she wants to do, then it's pretty much a sign that she's not serious. That she just wants to have fun and not deal with a relationship or becoming her own woman or anything serious any more. Which is fine but she should at least be mature enough to TELL you that.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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