I have a crush on my friend - I love her

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
I have a deep crush on my friend, (she is a girl, and a close friend) I really like her for her personality, sense of humor, and partly of her looks. we are kind of close, we like the same things.

i have asked her out and she said yes, but she has been really busy over the last few months. we talk a lot every day and i call her every night to talk. i am 15, so is she, i have given her compliments that should have indicated that i like here. i have consulted other sources on the internet and confirmed that i love here.

i want to tell her, becuase i truly feel for her and she completes me. what would be your advice n this issue?

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RomanceClass.com Advice
OK first, just because you read something on a website doesn't mean that you love a girl you haven't dated yet :) The whole point of dating is to build up TO a romantic love. You said you have a crush on her and that you talk at night but really haven't spent a lot of time together. That all points to a crush - but not to love. Love is formed over months or years of a one-on-one relationship that you spent a lot of time together, you work on joint projects together, you support each other through good times and bad times, you spend weekends together, etc. Yes, you guys LIKE each other a lot right now and WANT to date. But you always need to be realistic about the relationship you're in and work on it based on that reality, not based on fantasy. If you start believing in fantasies, your relationship will falter when it hits a real roadblock because you won't be prepared for it.

I have advice on the site on how to move a relationship from friendship to boyfriend-girlfriend and it NEVER involves just blurting out strong feelings and trying to leap wildly from "we talk at night" to "we are in love!" :) Read here -

http://www.romanceclass.com/miscr/howto/friendlover.asp

You guys haven't even been dating yet! So that is the first step. Go out with her! Don't just say "do you want to go out sometime?" That is vague and pretty unhelpful. Say "Want to go to Matrix 3 on Saturday?" Then do it. Ask her "Want to come over to watch a movie tomorrow night?" Then have her over. Make cookies with her. Make dinner together. Go for walks. Go to the museum and pick out your favorite pictures. Volunteer on weekends together at the local animal hospital, taking dogs for walks. The things that BUILDS a love is spending a ton of time with a person, getting to know them when they're happy and when they're cranky, and just being with them.

Talking on the phone is a great start. But it's just a start. Now you have to make some actual progress here, and spend time WITH her.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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