He's Younger than Me

Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
I am 32 years old have two kids and my boyfried is 23 and has one child. I have been married before and he hasn't. I am very insecure when it comes to younger girls and am thinking to myself that he needs to be with someone younger. He has never given me a reason to feel this way as he says he loves me and never knew what loves was until he met me and never thought about getting married until he met me but he says now that he wants to get married.

Do you think he is still to young and that age will cause a problem or do you think I just need to overcome my fears?

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RomanceClass.com Advice
It definitely is worth thinking about, that he's barely past the college age here. But on the other hand, it's not like he's 18 and barely out of his parent's house. He's been an adult for several years now and has a kid of his own. He's got a sense of responsibility and what it is all about, making these sorts of decisions. Many people marry with 10 or more years between them and are perfectly content.

What you do NOT want to do is rush into this. It can be easy to get swept up in the new love hormone rush and passion that comes with it. But you have 3 kids involved here who will have their lives changed and will have to deal with new siblings. That can be REALLY difficult for any couple to manage, never mind a couple that has an age gap, too, to deal with. This won't be a bed of roses. So you really need to take this slow.

Plan each of the stages of this carefully. Don't go leaping into ANY stage even if you feel swept up in things. Remember, this is your entire life together. If you are going to be together for 60 years or more, a few months at the beginning is very worth it to set that foundation properly. So give your times to adjust slowly. Let them spend more and more time with the other family, but have the safety of their own home to retreat to. Listen to their fears and try to address any worries they have. Start doing sleep-overs where they are together for entire nights or weekends. Start going on trips together, to get them used to the normal ups and downs.

If you take it slow and steady, and still feel this way after a year or so, then it sounds like time to make a firm commitment. But definitely do not rush things at all. If you make things stressful at the beginning, that stress will only get worse when you are all "stuck together".

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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