I Think I Love Her, But I Want to Romp

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I am really confused right now. I am almost 28 years old, my girlfriend is 25. We have been together for almost 4 years now, and almost one year ago we talked about getting married in 2004.

The thing is we broke up for 2 weeks in the middle of this year, and since we came back together things haven’t been the same. Also sex isn’t the same for me, she is gorgeous but I don’t feel attracted to her as I used to be, I am also not as jealous with her as I used to be.

I have been fooling around with other girls lately and I really enjoy it, but I still love her. I feel I really like her, but I don’t know why I feel I want to be alone. If I had to choose somebody to spend the rest of my life with, its my girlfriend, but I am so confused about my mixed feelings.

I don’t know if it is my fear of marriage or something else. I don’t want to lose her, and I also want to do whatever I please by myself… kind of wild stallion or something like that. Please, tell me if what is going thru my head is normal or not, what should I do about it

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RomanceClass.com Advice
We all go through different stages in life. When we're 12, most of us want someone fun to hang out with. When we're 20, most of us want a steady boyfriend/girlfriend but don't want to be married yet. It's not that any given stage is good or bad, they're just the way we are at a given point in our life.

If you're fooling around with other girls while you are this girl's *boyfriend* then you are betraying her. So you need to make a decision here. Either you are her boyfriend or you are not. You can't have it both ways. A relationship is about honesty and trust and communication. Right now you are betraying her. She deserves someone in her life who is 100% for her and for the relationship. What happens when someone tells her that her boyfriend is fooling around? Will she trust you now, and will she trust you in the future? And if you're capable of betraying her now, how could it get better if you marry her?

You have the right to make whatever decisions you want. But you have a responsibility not to betray someone who you have made a commitment to. So either tell her you need to be loose for now, or if you really value her, make that choice. Only you can make the choice. But if you keep using her, that's not much of a future to have with anyone.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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