I Asked Him to Leave - And He Left

Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
17 MONTHS AGO, I MET THE MAN FOR ME, THE ONLY THING WAS HE LIVE 1000 MILES AWAY. HE WAS SEPARATED FROM HIS WIFE AND SWORE HE WOULD NEVER GO BACK AFTER THE CHEATING AND BAD TREATMENT, HE TOLD HER NO WHEN SHE ASKED BECAUSE HE WANTED TO BE WITH ME.

I MOVED TO BE WITH HIM AND BECAUSE OF A FEW PROBLES WHEN MY DAUGHTER WAS 5 MONTHS I ASKED HIM TO LEAVE HOPING HE WOULD SEE THE ERROR OF HIS WAYS, GET IT TOGETHER AND COME BACK.

2.5 MONTHS LATER I STARTED TRYING TO CONTACT HIM TO GET HIM TO COME BACK, BUT HE'D GONE BACK TO HER AND THEIR KIDS. I HAVEN'T DATED ANYONE WAITING ON HIM NOW I AM HERE ALL ALONE WITH A CONSTANT REMINDER OF HIM. I'VE TALKED TO HIM A FEW TIMES AND HE ALWAYS SAYS, "YOU ACTED LIKE YOU DIDN'T CARE AND THAT WAS 3 MONTHS AGO." I WENT TO THEIR HOUSE YESTERDAY AND TOLD HIM I STILL LOVED HIM, BECAUSE HE WAS THERE WITH THE KIDS AND SHE WAS ON HER WAY HOME, HE SAID HE WOULD COME OVER THIS SATURDAY AND WE COULD TALK THEN. SHE HAS KIDS AS WELL AND TENDS TO USE THEM TO HAVE HER WAY BY NOT LETTING HIM SEE THEM.

I DON'T WANT TO HURT THEM BUT I LOVE HIM VERY MUCH, BUT MY DAUGHTER DESERVES TO BE WITH HIM AS WELL. I WANT TO SPEND MY LIFE WITH HIM. I DIDN'T LEAVE MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY BEHIND TO WATCH HIM WALK OFF INTO THE SUNSET WITH SOMEONE ELSE.

I KNOW HE'S AFRAID IF IT DOESN'T WORK OUT HE WONT BE ABLE TO SEE HIS KIDS. I WOULD NEVER DO HIM THAT WAY, I LOVE HIM TOO MUCH. PLEASE HELP ME!

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RomanceClass.com Advice
Look, if you ask someone to leave, then you have to expect them to leave. If you had issues with him, it was your responsibility to work things out with him. That's how a relationship works. If your reaction to problem is to toss him out, then he's not going to come back. He will want to stay with someone that actually works on issues instead of abandoning him.

Your daughter deserves a house with love and peace. She doesn't deserve a house where people are throwing other people out of the house. She deserves a father that wants to be there and who actively works on the relationship. It sounds like this guy has already chosen another relationship to work on.

You should never go into a relationship with guilt being a weapon. If you're going to make him feel guilty because you chose to move 1,000 miles, it's not going to work. Maybe it's time for you to move back home if your family and friends are important to you, and find a guy who is around there. Life is about accepting people as they are. You kicked him out, and he left. Find a guy that you are willing to work on things with instead of trying to manipulate him into doing things your way.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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