I had her, I blew it by drinking

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
I was with my girlfriend for 4 years... 7 months ago she went on
holidays for 2 weeks with her family... when she was on holidays I went
out 1 nite with people from work and I kissed a girl. I was so guilty
that the day my girlfriend came back from holiday we went out that night
and I told her that i wanted us to break up.. i had alcohol taken by
this time and i know i did the wrong thing.. I really wanted to tell her
that I loved her so much ... but that one night i kissed a girl and
maybe she could give me a chance .. I know i approached it stupidly...
In the coming weeks i tried ringing her and texting her to talk but she
would refuse my calls...

I turned to drink and when i had alcohol inside me.. i would send her
nasty text messages.. i know i was stupid... my ex has now changed her
mobile phone number... my friends ( who are her friends too ) are
telling me to move on.. but i cant .. i really love this girl.. we were
together for 4 years ...we were planning to move in together and then
get engaged.. we were really devoted to each other.

we used to speak to each other 3 - 4 times a day.. in the 5 months since
we have split up.. we have spoken maybe 4-5 times...

i miss her deeply... i write to her every week... last week she said to
not write to her anymore as it is harrassment... she will go to the
police if i send her any more letters so i have promised not to write to
her anymore..

we met up then last week as she wanted some of her stuff back that i had
belonging to her...

she says that we will never be together again.. im just looking for some
advice if you can help me.. she knows how i feel about her.. the only
reason i was sending these letters is because i messed up big time and i
just wanted to explain things to her... Im human and i made a human
error a big error but why cant she see that??

Im not a bad person.. sometimes though when i have alcohol in me i could
be cruel.. i would be at her about her weight when in fact she was
perfect to me.

I am miserable without her and I can't cope without her.. I think i have
turned her whole family against me.... We were together for 4 years and
i love her and miss her terribly.. I have been told to give her time... she has been with a few fellas in the last few weeks but that doesn't matter.. she wont speak to me.. but we were meant to be together.. even she said that.. I have given up alcohol now but it may be too late for that

Maybe she is still hurting but we were meant to be together ... even she
knows that... I just want a second chance.... i would never hurt her
again.. i even promised her that i would give up alcohol and would
sacrifice anything for her... i dont think she is with anyone at the
moment and that would really kill me if i saw her with another fella.. She will not speak to me... I would do anything to get her back.... I dont want to push her away.... but I do want her back more than anything in the world..

Any advice at all would be greatly appreciated

thanks for your time

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RomanceClass.com Advice
It sounds like you made not just one mistake here - it sounds like you were pretty much emotionally abusing her quite a bit. You *knew* that when you drank you got out of hand, but you kept it up anyway. Lots of people drink without kissing other girls. Drinking releases your inhibitions but it doesn't make you do something you would not normally do. And even so you kept drinking. You knew you picked on her weight and mistreated her, and yet you kept drinking. It's only after she left that you started considering acting differently.

This might be a serious wake-up call for you. You shouldn't have had to have her leave before you worried about what you were doing to her and to yourself. You should have cared about her in the first place and taken every step to keep her and the relationship happy. If you spend the time and energy now to really change because you know it's healthy for you, then she will see, over time, that you really are a new person. And she might consider taking you back. But she won't be convinced just because you are different for a day. You need to make a long term, serious commitment to being a healthier individual. When you are really a happy, non-drinking, supportive person, full time, you can begin to build up a friendship with her again. And she will learn to trust you, and see that this is really the way you are now. But don't expect it to happen overnight. This is something you will need to dedicate time and energy to.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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