Choosing Between a Partier and a Partner

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I have two boyfreinds.. Who do I love? I very seriously 'dated' this guy for three years of high school. He was quite a partier. He lied to me about it and that is what made it a problem.. We spent A lot of time together.. every day...this was high school, but we would spend the entire rest of the day with each other. On the weekends the same thing.. except when he worked and during the summer he would leave my house or work always arounf 11 and party until the next day in which he would come to my house at around 7 am until he went to work from there. We were young and still are but totally in love. The end of junior year.. I broke it off..I felt betrayed and I loved him...But didn't believe anything he said any more. Senior year he hassled me and called me and made 'fun' of me.. prank called my sick mom in the middle of the night, who he knew was sick...

But I have this dream of being a pilot. I met a great guy senior year who wanted the same thing.. and we fell for each other and have been dating a year.. He just started at school in florida...I'm in NC and wont start school until jan (in oklahoma) A few weeks ago.. Me and the guy I dated for so long met up and started talking again.. Now we are dating. I see him everyday...I will see my opilot guy in tweo weeks for the first time in months.. but we have kept in touch very well. I feel terrible. I love both of them.. but in different ways.. I know I probably have more for the first guy.. but as far as my future goes.. I dont want to settle and marry him.. I want to be a pilot. But either way.. by thanksgiving.. I have to decide. I'm also trying to regain my faith with God to help me through school.. The first guy doesn't belive too well.. and the second does.. I just dont want to hurt the first guy again after the last year of torture he says hes gone through and that I know I went trhough... But I don't want to hurt anyone else. Advice
I can understand your difficulty. On one hand you have someone that you have a LONG history with, and even though he's betrayed you and misused you, you still have that history. And he's exciting. On the other hand you have a guy that you've known for less time, and is much better matched to you, but you haven't built that history with him.

I really have to say that the pilot guy sounds like a MUCH better match for you. Being in a relationship is about finding someone who will support your dreams, who will stand beside you, who you can trust completely. The first guy actively lied to you and played jokes on your family. That's not very supportive at all. The fact that he could do all of these things to you means he didn't respect you. And one of the most important things you can have in a relationship is respect.

You can always keep the first guy as a friend. Nothing wrong with that at all. And sure, you can love him, because you did have good times together. But as far as having a *life partner* that you rely on, that supports you to be the very best you can be, I think that should be the second guy.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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