The Net Lover is Not Following Through

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
I met this guy through the net. He wrote to me and said stuff he knew about me and which are true. They are not bad stuff but just stuff to prove he aint a total stranger.

We began chatting but the problem is he lives far away. As time has gone by, I have fallen in love with him but am not sure i can trust him cause we've only chatted through the net but i still have hope. He sent me pictures of him and his number. I did the same too. He says he loves me.

I called him twice and he has never done the same. I thought he would call me cause he says he loves me but he hasnt. When i ask him why, he says the lines are always busy and i should believe him.

I dont know what to do. I love him God knows how but i dont trust him so much. At times he seems so sincere. He tells me he trusts me but i still don't trust him because he just doesn't make as much efforts. My sister tells me he is just playing with my feelings but i dont think so. Please help. Advice
Definitely MANY people fall in love over the internet, just as in ages past there were many pen pals who fell in love and then married. So love on the internet is definitely possible. But as with ANY long distance relationship, it takes time and effort.

Your guy hasn't even called you once, and he claims he loves you?? That seems VERY unlikely. Every person I know who dates long distance is completely won over when they get to hear their true love's voice. The words and letters are fine, but hearing the voice helps make it real. Why is he always making you call? The lines are always busy???

It's easy to SAY you love someone when it's just typing letters on a screen. I don't mean to be harsh, but he could easily be cutting and pasting those same words to other girls too. The true measure of love is in actions, not words. It's time for this guy to start actually DOING something that indicates he's in love. Otherwise I'd be very cautious and have to believe he's enjoying the attention but not willing to put out the effort. Love isn't about sitting back and basking in the sunlight. It's about rolling up your sleeves and putting in the time and energy necessary in ANY relationship to make it work.

So the next time you're emailing, tell him you'd love for him to call you right now, and that the phone lines are clear. See what he does.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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