His Ex is Back Again

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
My boyfriend broke up with me and said it was not me, it was him. I just could not understand. When I went over to his place and knocked he came to the door and walked out, did not let me in. He said that someone was in his house. It was his first love. We were having problems before she ever entered the picture and she had only been around for 2 weeks before. They had not slept together at that time.

Long story long. We are back together, we saw each other the entire time he was seeing her. She did not know about me. He has worked through a lot of things in his life and wants to be with me. He told the other one the truth about everything and she has forgiven him and they are friends only.

It is me who has a problem with this. I asked for time and distance between them and he has done everything I have asked. In return he has asked that I try and deal with him being friends with her only. He has not seen her in 2 months and they have just resumed talking to each other on the phone again. Just the mention of her name sends me up and over. I have been reading and trying to deal with this, and feel at this point the problem is me.

Any advice?

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RomanceClass.com Advice
This definitely seems to be a situation to call for jealousy. On the other hand it has been 2 months. You need to be able to deal with it at some point. I do have a ton of tips on the site about jealousy - and you can also talk with a local therapist about the situation of course. But I think it's fair to have them talk only on the phone, maybe once a week, when you're in the room. That way you can feel comfortable that it's only friendly discussion and nothing more.

-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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