Finding Love for Widows and Widowers

Visitor's Question from a 51-60 year old Female
Is there love after the fact the partner is dead? I have not found the special someone. Advice
It is always a challenge to meet up with someone you really love. It's a double challenge to do that when you are really missing your previous love. Normally when people go through a breakup, it is a healing process about a relationship that didn't work out. Something was bad enough in the relationship to cause the breakup and you just have to come to terms with it. But in the case of one partner's death, it could be that there WAS nothing wrong with the relationship, and that fate is what tore you apart. So the recovery process is much more difficult.

The key is to treasure the cherished memory of the partner that is gone - and to not look to REPLACE him or her. You won't find an exact duplicate. But you can find a new partner who will be good for you in a different manner. You can't keep comparing the two. This will be a new relationship, with new issues, new good things. Maybe you love gardening and birding. Maybe your lost partner really enjoyed gardening but just wasn't into birding. Maybe your new partner will love birding and not be into gardening. There's always some mix of traits with each person and while it won't be the *same*, it can be equally *good*.

There are many support groups for widows and widowers, I would try going to one of those to talk with people about these issues. Also many people find new dates in those groups. Also, start going to clubs that share your interests, whatever they are. That's always the best way to meet new people that have common interests. It will take time, but I know plenty of widows and widowers who have remarried and found new, fresh love.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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