He's Using Me as a Safety Net

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
My ex boyfriend and I just got off the phone and he tells me that he thinks he made a mistake. I asked him what he meant and he said he thinks he messed up when he broke up with me. He has already gone out with two of my best friends and now he is going out with another chick. He told me that if their relationship doesn't work out then I have him back.

I have gone out with one guy since our break up. and I dumped him in a week because I don't feel comfortable dating anyone but him.

What should I say if their relationship doesn't work out and he asks me out?

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RomanceClass.com Advice
Oh sure, now that he's played the field and he hasn't found someone else as good he's realizing he did something wrong. What does this mean, that he'll date you again if it's convenient for him but if he sees soemthing else interesting he'll run off again to give it a try? You've become his safety net. He can go do whatever else he wants to and just have you waiting for him as a fallback position, to get him on his feet until he's ready to go roaming again.

I know you may really care for him and it may feel like you want to be with him no matter what. But believe me, if he is only with you because you're convenient, you will feel that every time you're together and it will eat away at you. You will start to resent him for doing that to you and it will poison your relationship. You deserve to be with someone who truly loves you and wants 100% to be with YOU. You can't MAKE him be that person, as much as you want him to be. You need to find a person who IS like that all on his own.

It's one of those nasty lessons of life. You can't force people to change. No matter how much you love someone, they are the way they are. You can accept that and love them as a friend from a distance, while you find a true partner in life that is better suited for you. It's a really hard lesson to learn but it's an important one. Somewhere out there is a guy who really wants to be with you and who won't keep dating other women or wanting to date other women because he feels like you're missing something. I'd look for that guy.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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