She Keeps Cheating on Me
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
My girlfriend and I got together in high school 2 years ago. We have since fallen deeply in love... I don't know what I would do without her. Since she is one year older than me, she currently lives in California, I live in Washington State. Next year, I will be attending college 20 minutes from her, and I'm really excited about our future. Nobody makes me happier than she does.
Here's the thing. She has cheated on me twice before, and now she has revealed that there was one more incident recently. The first time, according to her, was a short kiss instigated by an old ex of hers. She apparently instantly stopped him, and told me right away over the phone. The second time, she said she was extremely drunk ( she never pukes, and she was this night), and was again kissed by a guy. She told me about it right away.
I'm lost now because I really love this girl. She's for me. But if i keep on letting this slide, i fear that she won't feel that there is any sort of negative outcome from cheating. All of my signs point no. In my mind, i shouldnt keep on with this. I feel left out from her life and I feel like shes changed in ways that i cant see, being so far away. But my heart can't end this right now. There's so much to look forward to. I just need advice from an outsider. What Should I Do?
It is really easy in a relationship to base your feelings on dreams and hopes, not on reality. You're forming all these dreams of how things will be, and you tend to overlook problems. You figure they aren't that bad. It's really common for high school sweethearts to go off to college together - and it's also really common for them to break up in college, because what they want out of life in college is far different than what high school students think about. It's a natural maturation.
I'm not trying to scare you off here - but I'm trying to make sure you're being realistic about this. It is very unusual - and very difficult - to make the transition from high school lovers to college lovers. It's not "bad" - it's just the way maturity works. A toy you loved when you were 8 isn't a toy you enjoy when you're 16. It's not that they toy was bad - and it wasn't that your 8 year old passion was wrong. It's just that you naturally matured and grew, and moved on to something more suitable for you.
So if you want, feel free to keep working hard on this relationship, staying in communication. But please don't go to a really awful school just to be near her. If you destroy your career, then disappointment you feel will taint your relationship, and make your chances of sticking with it even more slim. You need to make sure there is a balance between being near her and meeting your own needs in education.
-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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True Loves do Not Cheat
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