I Caught him Cheating and Lying

Visitor's Question from a 41-50 year old Female
I have been in a relationship for the past year. In that time my boyfriend refers back to the past women he has wanted to date and one particular woman he dated all of two times. I told him that I feel he is just settling for me but would take the other woman in an instant if she was interested in him. He says that would never happen.

I sent him an email pretending to be her and asking to meet him for coffee. First he said no but with one more email, he quickly agreed to meet. And then he lied to me to cover up why we couldn't do something that same day. Is this a reason for me to conclude that he will never be committed to me?

In a year, he has never once mentioned marriage. Earlier on, I thought we were heading in that direction...he introduced me to his family, he always tells me how much they like me. But it's never gone anywhere. We've dated each other exclusively from the start.

He tells me he loves me and that I am the love of his life...the perfect woman for him. Should I continue to let his infatuation with this other woman bother me?

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RomanceClass.com Advice
On one hand, a lot of people date for many years before thinking about marriage. Many people also remember past loves with fondness, even though they never in a million years would want to get back together with them. We all go through stages in life, it's a normal part of growing up. I really liked the guy I dated when I was 16, but I certainly wouldn't date him now.

That all being said, he *lied* to you to sneak out to meet up with this supposed ex. That is a fundamental problem in any relationship. It's fine to have female friends. It is NOT fine to lie to your partner about what you're doing. If you can't trust him on this point, how can you trust him on any point? If he thinks it's fine to lie randomly when he wants to hide things from you, that needs to get addressed - pronto - or this isn't going to work.

-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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