My Guy is Not Doing Anything in our Relationship

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
My boyfriend lives in nashville, and i live in memphis. i drive up there to visit him about once every 2 weeks, and he has yet to drive down here to visit me, although his reasons for not coming have been understandable.

he works a full time job and only calls me about twice a week even then, he will only talk for about 15 minutes, i call him but he never answers. i know hes not cheating on me, i just feel like i am doing everything in this relationship and he is doing nothing and its starting to bother me. i try to get him to call me more and he says he will and i know he cares but it never seems to really get through to him. hes very forgetful.

i really want this relationship to work, but how do i get though to him? he has had many girlfriends before me, and all of them have broken up with him because of him not spending enough time with them. is he just not ready for a relationship or can this be his first relationship that will actually work? Advice
On one hand, every relationship has a doer and a follower. Sometimes it's the guy that leads, sometimes it's the girl. So in that sense, it seems like you're the doer. It makes it far worse because you guys are so far apart. If you were in the same town, it probably wouldn't matter at all, but with the distance it became a big issue.

That all being said, this guy doesn't even sound like a follower. He sounds like he's not even in the relationship! Heck, just about EVERYBODY works a full time job. That's what life is about. But they still have time for a wife and even a family, and hobbies too! He doesn't have any of that, and he can't spare more than 15 minutes occasionally to talk to you? Just what is he doing with all of his other time?

It definitely sounds like this guy just isn't really interested in spending time on other people. He has his own routine and doesn't vary outside of it to deal with other peoples' needs. Who knows, if you were nearby and it wasn't "hard" maybe you'd get more attention from him. But really, if this is the way he is, he's always going to be this way. This is going to be like water torture, always wearing you down and bothering you. Every time you want to do something, or go somewhere, he's going to be the rag doll you are dragging along.

I would have a serious talk with him about this the next time you're there in person and ask him if it's something you can work on together. But if he doesn't think it's worth the effort and/or he doesn't think it's a big issue, it might be time to move on. You can't make someone change.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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