My boyfriend is upset because I was grounded

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
My mother happened to ground me on the weekend of my boyfriend and I's one year anniversary. Needless to say, he was extremely ed. Now he is telling me that I better make it up to him in a big way, but I don't have much money or time. Can you help? Advice
I suppose telling your boyfriend to grow up isn't an option? :) Really, the MOST important thing a boyfriend can do is to love you no matter what and to support you. It's not like you ran out and partied with someone else on "his night". You were grounded by your mother. A mature boyfriend would have been SORRY for you for being grounded and then treated you somewhere special when you were free. An IMMATURE boyfriend would say "me me me you weren't there for meeeeeeeee" and be upset with you. He apparently falls into the second category. If your car ran over a nail and you got a flat tire, would he be upset with you for being late, instead of being concerned about you and going to help??

Anyway, it sounds like he is using you and this situation to get more stuff for himself. That's not what a relationship is about. It's about making the other person happy and working together towards common goals. It isn't about one person saying "You better buy me lots of things and treat me right, because you went and got punished when you were supposed to be entertaining me."

You need to turn this back into a "we" situation. Tell him that you know you BOTH were disappointed that you could not be together, and that you'll BOTH plan a wonderful evening together when you can be. Love isn't about money, it's about being happy together. So if you want to have a picnic together, or have a delicious dinner that one of you makes and then watch your favorite movie together, or just go for a long drive together, it's the together part that's key. If his qualification is that you have to spend money to prove you love him, that's just not right. As a very famous song goes, "Money can't buy you love."

Good luck with things, but really, don't let him push you into feeling you owe him things. That's not how a relationship works.

"Love is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs."

-- from Jenn
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