feel obessed with wanting to talk with the x.

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 14 months now.
When we first met, we were friends at school and he had a g/f for about 1 yr. He left his g/f to pursue me.
I was hesitant at the beginning of the relationship b/c I had been cheated on in the past by a b/f who fooled around my back with an x g/f.
Anyway, he assured me over and over that things were DONE with his g/f and that he saw in me what he alway wanted.
I let my guard down and fell in love. Two months into our relationship, I was overcome with the feeling that he was lying to me. I confronted him and he denied it. I was able to figure out his email password and checked his email, when I did I found out that he was still emailing her and that he had phone sex with her several times (and he and I were sleeping together at this point)

Anway needless to say I went crazy and he was devasted and ever since then he has tried to do and buy everythinng and anything to make me forgive and trust him. He has given me his email password, phone password and lets me check bills whenever I want.

Still to this day I am having trouble forgiving him. I feel like how will I ever know that he would never do that again and also, am I crazy for thinking phone sex is cheating? And if he had phone sex with her, did he really want to have REAL sex?? And if he cheated with phone sex, would he cheat with real sex.

We are both ending grad school in May and I will be staying on Long Island and he will be moving to city to work and live which is bothering me b/c he will be working 5 min. where this x lives. It is driving me crazy and he isn't understanding at all....he thinks it has been 10 mos since all this happend so I should trust him by now. Should I?

Also, I feel obessed with wanting to talk with the x. I did after I found out about the phone sex. She confirmed that they never met in person but she also told me (and he denied, of course) that he wanted to meet her and that he told her that they were just taking a break, that he was confused, that he missed her/still loved her.
I feel all of a sudden that I'm like second best, that maybe he is only with me b/c she wouldn't take him back, I don't know.

Any advice is helpful.

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RomanceClass.com Advice
First off, this guy doesn't sound like he can be faithful. I'd recommend moving on.

Secondly, you do have some rather strong issues with jealousy... like figuring out his email password, etc. That kinda goes to the extreme.

You need to do some work on yourself before you can find someone you trust. Here is a link that may help out: http://www.romanceclass.com/miscr/LoveCat/23682

There are guys out there who will be faithful, so don't give up hope.

Best wishes,
Marc

-- from Marc
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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