I'm Dating a Married Man

Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
I love him, but he has a wife. They have unhappy life marriage. His wife always treat him like a slave. He and I think that we have a true love. He preparing to divorce his wife now to live together with me. We had 8 years relationship. I thank you for your wise advice.

RomanceClass.com Advice
I agree that his wife might have been mistreating him. But his job in a relationship is to work on that relationship or to call it quits. It sounds like you are telling me that his solution was to sleep with another woman because things were hard, which undoubtedly made the entire relationship worse ... and then once he was sure he had a "safety net" ready, that's when he pulled the plug on his wife.

You really have to think seriously about this. Sure, life with you seems great and easy compared to real marriage. So let's fast forward to when he does divorce his current wife and is living with you. Now YOU are the partner he has to deal with on a day to day basis. YOU are the one who he has to keep happy, who makes demands on him and has chores to do and such. When he becomes unhappy with this, do you have faith that he'll actually tell you? Or will he use his tried and true method - find another woman on whose shoulder to cry and get sympathy. Sure, you might not be as bad as his first wife. But every relationship involves give and take, involves compromises and discussions. It doesn't sound like he's done well in the past in handling those situations. A person who learns how to avoid trouble and likes that technique usually keeps doing it in the future too.

I would really advise cooling things off until the divorce is final, and then treating things as a "fresh start". Definitely do NOT move right in. He will be on the rebound and the last thing you want is to have any chance of a happy ending destroyed by all the rebound emotions. If he's willing to wait a month or two after the divorce, and start things slow and steady, then it could work. If his only desire is to trampoline to you so you can take over the duties of his ex, I really see trouble ahead.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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