She Likes Hurting Others

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
I've known this girl for a while now, and I'm not really sure is she likes me. I see her pretty often. The reason I'm not sure if she likes me or not is because her attitude and personality always changes around me. Sometimes she acts very nice to me and talks to me about all kinds of things and we get along great, but then at other times she acts really mean to me and jokingly insults me. But what I don't like is that her insults get too far sometimes and it seems kind of weird when the next time I see her she's perfectly fine and acting nice to me. I've noticed that she smiles at me a lot,and I'm basically the only person she acts this mean to at certain times. She does have this type of attitude with her other friends, but it feels different when she does it to me and it seems as though she enjoys insulting me but then returning and acting nice to me. Her friend also always talks about her to me online and has asked me a couple of times if I liked her. I had also asked her friend why she has these mood swings around me and she couldn't give me a good response. Also, what makes me really wonder if she likes me is that when I'm often just standing around her,I look to the side and see her talking with one of her friends and then she looks at me while she's smiling and blushing and says something to the effect of, "Oh, we're just talking about you..." and her friend starts to laugh and she just walks off; I'm pretty sure she doesn't just say she was talking about me, because I've overheard her mention my name while she was smiling and blushing in those types of conversations with her friends. Though, I do return the funny insults at times and play along with her physological game. In a way, I do act the same way she does to me, back to her. Also, she talks a lot about other guys she likes and continually asks me if I know who she likes. And I do, because she has like 5 crushes that I know of. So does she really like me? Advice
Well obviously she doesn't hate you, she is spending an awful lot of time and energy getting reactions out of you. However she feels about you, it's not healthy for her to be actively hurting you in public though. It's one thing to do the little teases that are normal in relationships. It's another to take pleasure out of hurting someone, to see if you have enough power over them for them to come back despite the nasty things that were said.

The nexst time she does that, just turn your back and deny her the attention she's seeking. When she's nice to you, give her extra feedback that you really like that. Either she responds to that and stops being nasty - or you should find a new girl to go after. Women who take active pleasure in hurting others aren't women you want to be involved with.

-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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