My Guy Is Never Around

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
My boyfriend and I have been dating for about a year and a half now. He aspires to be a doctor, and so he does a lot of studying and work now. We are both in college. I find myself spending a lot of time by myself, since he is so busy with his work. I really love him. I want to be with him for the rest of my life. However, due to his education, he won't be out of school for another ten years. I want to be able to look back on all those years and be able to say that "we" have been through a lot, and "we" have made it through all the hard times. However, I don't want to be "waiting" on him for all those years, and then when we do have a chance to be together, it not work out for whatever reason. I don't want to turn away any opportunity with other people who happen to come up to me that could potentially be the one. But then I just don't want to give up on him. I really do love him. I just don't know if I can spend up to ten years being alone for the majority of the time, while he goes off and accomplishes his goals. But I want to be supportive. I just don't know what to do. He says he is sure that he wants to be with me, and that I am definitely the one for him. How come I can't say that back to him? Advice
Well most definitely the people you both are in 10 years will be very different so that is an important thing to think about. Also it's not like he will really be "less busy" in 10 years. Doctors lead extremely busy lives. So think of this as a real live test. This is the way your relationship will be. Maybe there'll be a bit more time at some points, or even less time at other points. Is this what you'll be happy with? If you want a guy that is around all the time, it's better to find a consultant who works out of the house :) If you really love him and want to make this work, then find ways to make yourself TRULY content when he's not around - not just "passing the time". Find projects and friends that you enjoy. If you can go a year and be *happy* with your life and its balance, it'll work. If you still feel like you are very lonely without a guy there most of the time at your side, it's probably time to seek another guy.

-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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