It is close to 5 years now and I just don't want to waste my life!

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I've been dating someone for almost 4 years now. I meet him when I was finishing college. When I met him, he was going back to college to finish his last credit hours at school to gradudate. I talked him into finishing it. He was upset he didn't get to walk with his friends, because he didn't have enough credits. And when he realized it, it was to late. He was on the baseball team and is a nice guy. Just wanted to give you an example.
We met at a retail store and it was love at first sight. I figured we were both college grad moving ahead in the world for a better life. Three years late I am in a professional job with 2 years exp and he is still in retail. His plan was to get into management, but has not suceeded yet. He treats me nice, we are best friends, and I love his family and they love me. But he is currently living with his parents and it suprised me he hasn't got his own apartment. He said he didn't have the money, but I know he does now. We also had problems in the past because he lied to me about things his parents did for him, bought for him, etc. I've caught him lieing b/c his parents will say something and afterwards I'll ask why he lied to me. A year into our relationship I thought he was going to ask me to marry him. He gave me a ring, but not an engagement ring. And he believes promise rings are silly. These are my major issues. Mostly career and money and ambition. We work opposite schedules and whenever I want to do something fun on the weekend he is always working. i keep on hoping it will get better, but it is close to 5 years now and I just don't want to waste my life!Please help- will things change? Advice
People don't change. That's what I'm finding out.... they may modify some of their behavior but the core values and drives of a person don't move much.

Even though that's sort of depressing, I'm not convinced he's not the right guy for you. He seems wonderful in so many other ways, there may be hope for the relationship. You clearly love each other and that is valuable.

What I would suggest is working on him to move out on his own --not in with you-- and have him learn to stand on his own for a while. He may learn to enjoy the independence and responsibility that comes with having his own place. That may be enough impetus for him to grow up a bit.

Good luck with this and let us know how it's turning out!

-- from Marc
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