I Cheat on Him - He Cheats on Me

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
Me and my boyfriend have been going out for about 3 years and i am 15 and he is 19 and he recently cheated on me with one of my best friends for 11 years. And he wants me back and i love him. He came crying to me the other day saying he wants me back and he loves me and didnt mean to hurt me the day i found out. this is the second time he cheated on me and i have cheated on him before as well but i did something more then what he did with her i am just trying to find out about my and my b/f relationship and my friends tell me not to go back with him but you can't just do that when you love him and he swore that he would never do it again. so should i take him back?

RomanceClass.com Advice
It sounds like there are some serious trust issues with you and your friends! Not only is he cheating on you but he cheated with a friend of yours! I wouldn't consider that to be behavior of a best friend. Being a best friend is about honoring the friendship, not about making yourself feel good while betraying a friend.

I'm not sure what to say here. You're cheating on him. He's cheating on you. Your best friend is betraying both of you. There isn't much to trust in here. How can he trust you, if he comes back, that you will be loyal to him? How can you trust him, that he won't do it again? It doesn't seem like any of you really have a sense that this is "wrong". He's the only one really showing remorse. You already said you did "worse" than him but you aren't willing to forgive him.

I would sit down and have a long, serious talk. Cheating on someone is a violation of trust. If you can't trust someone, then how can you be in a partnership with them? If you need help, how do you know your partner will be acting in your best interests, vs for someone they are cheating with? Even more seriously, what if you pick up a sexual disease and give it to your partner, and your partner gets very sick? This isn't just casual stuff you should do. If you are going to date someone, you should be loyal and trustworthy and honor that. If you can't do that, then you really aren't ready to date yet.

If you two decide that you ARE going to date again, make it a special, serious vow. Go out to a dinner, get each other special rings, whatever it takes. But if even after all of that you can't be true, then I would let each other go, and take some time to think about what it is you really want out of life. A relationship should not be about repeatedly betraying and hurting each other.

-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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