Show me the money!
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
My boyfriend is a great guy, he loves me, he loves to be with me, and talk on the phone, he is everything i could ever want, except one thing. He isn't romantic, for example, i picked out a diamond necklace for my birthday, and he told me he would come back and buy it for me and give it to me. He told me he bought it, but that was a year and two minths ago and he still hasn't given it to me, i ask for it and we have had numerous fights about it, but he still wont give it to me, he keeps telling me he forgot it, or , he couldn't find it in his dirty room, or he didnt have time to go home and get it. i am so frustrated. Also, he told me he was going to get me necklace that i wanted with the earings that i spotted while i was browsing at the jewlery store. i told him he didnt have to, then he told me he went to the jewlery store to put it on layaway. He would always tell me every month when he had to go give a payment. He told me he took it out of layaway. Till this day, he has not given it to me. another case, for our anniversary, i thought i'd be assertive and just tell him what i wanted that way there was no way he would fight. i told him i wanted a fendi handbag, and he told me he ordered it and that it was on back order so that i would have to wait. then he told me he would bring it to me, then made an excuse that he forgot it, that he couldnt find it. what gives, is he cheap, does he not love me, whats wrong with him?
It sounds to me like you equate money with caring. You say that he loves you but then you only point out where he didn't spend money on you and therefore you think he doesn't care. Now, the fact that he's lying about it all makes things a little more tense, but it may be that he's embarassed over not being able to buy the things you want. Perhaps start smaller, like asking him to buy you a nice shirt. Or perhaps toss out the idea that gifts make the relationship and simply love him for who he is. Ask for a handwritten card talking about his feelings for you. Go for things that mean more and cost less. You may be happier once you break that golden chain of love=money and instead have a wonderful rainbow of love.
-- from Marc
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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