Long Distance Relationship

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
My boyfriend and i met each other online 2 years ago, i was writing journal in the internet and he felt in love with me, by my writing , and one day he saw my pictures , he knew i was the girl he wanted.
i remember , i did not want to talk on the phone in the very beginning, but when time passed, i knew he was a man with a good heart.
we fell in love quickly, i went to see him and stayed with him for 2 months and everything was perfect , until the time i back to hong kong.( he lives in california and i live in hong kong ) he secretly checked everything i wrote in computer( because i might sometimes use his computer to talk to my friends ) and he found out i was complainning about him to my friends, and he also find out i wrote letter to another guy, who was a writer.
he was very very very mad and felt so betrayed . i remember i was in taiwan's airport waiting for the nest plane. i used all my money to call him and explain to him .and that was the longest trip i ever had in my life.

after i back to hong kong, i tried my very best to make it up with him and i promised him all kind of things, then we backed together again.
he came visit me last christmas.
i always so proud that we never play mind game and we loved each other a lot.
he was about to move to San fransico 's state university. and we did have a plan that i would move to him and we start our life together.
but then, every application that he need to do for his college 's life, get tougher and get tougher. he had a lot of pressure .
so he started to be mean and coldto me day by day. but i understand only temportary as he had a lot of pain and problem he need to deal with his life.
i love him very very much.
and i or 2 weeks ago, he started to push me away and ask for breakup. he mentioned all kind of problem i had , that was the reason why he need to break up with me.
i begged him, and i changed everything he did not like,
but still after 1 weeks, he told me nothing was wrong with me, i do everything good but he did not want to continue anymore.

of course i started to suffer depression right after that. i spent my everything in him, i cannot bear the idea of letting him go.
so yesterday i went to borrow money from loan company. and i bought airplane ticket.
i called him and told him.
he refused to pick me up and if i go there, he would run away for sure.
he said i was nuts and crazy ...etc. and telling me that he cannot temped to see me cause he knows he will change his mind.
i had nervous break down. but i know i could not make him mad or upset. so i immediately promised him i would not see him.
i told him i would wait for him and one day if he ever miss me even for 1 sec. please tell me and i will run to him in a heartbeat.
he said he loved me too, and i can tell he was sad and wanted to cry.
and another when i called him , he told me he started to wonder was breaking up was a wrong decision and he tired hard to fight for his mind n he was happy to answer my call.
do u think we r a failure?
do u think he might want me back?
i cannot deal with the whole thing, i just wish to stop wish to stop wish so much to stop.
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RomanceClass.com Advice
You certainly are in a tough situation!

I suggest first that you find a counsellor somewhere, whether at school or a professional. You have a lot that needs working on for you to become whole. Only then will you be able to go into a relationship as an equal. He sounds like he's very stressed out and needs some counselling too, to become clear over what he really wants and needs in his life. You sound like you're a very giving and loving person and I hope he realizes what he's doing by cutting you out of his life. His calls to you indicate he's on the fence about breaking up with you.

Over time, things will become clearer and the relationship will either stand strong or drift away. You need to be prepared for either ending. If the relationship is over, then you need to be able to move on and give your love to someone more worthy of you, someone who will return the love you feel and will make your life complete.

Best of luck!



-- from Marc
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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