After all these downs, can there be an up?

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
i have been in a same-sex relationship for 8 1/2 years we have had several ups and downs we have had major thing happen she was diagnosed with cancer at age 25 her brother died when he was 25 so we have had a very stressful relationship i do love her but i feel things are not the same we live by her parents and now she is the only child and you can imagine how it is our sex life is gone literally we use to have sex in the beginning 3 times a day sometimes more sometimes less now we may make love every 3 months her sexual drive is gone and mine is full speed ahead what can i do she blames it on everything she went thru with the cancer and i feel bad for pressuring her into having sex i dont want it that way i want it to be her coming on to me again and i dont want to have an affair because i love her very much but she does not pay any attention to me anymore i have tried telling her lets go out, go away for the weekend, anything nothing is working i dont think that there is anyone else but could there be please give me some great advice and i hope my name will not appear over the internet i should change my email address

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RomanceClass.com Advice
It sounds to me like some counselling would work wonders for you. You both have been through some very trying times and that you are still together is a testament to how strong your relationship is. Counselling will open up the issues and heal them so they no longer interfere with your life. I understand the frustration you must be feeling, particularly since it's such a change from what you had had before. You are a very good girlfriend to be so concerned and caring for her.

Perhaps try smaller, gentler things and work up from there. Instead of looking for sex from her, give her a backrub or take a bath together. Spend intimate time together and have that romance brought back into the relationship.

It sounds like you two will make it through.

Good luck and keep us informed!

-- from Marc
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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