Is he really there for me, or is there something more?

Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
I have been with my BF for almost 3 months now. We met online... We chatted for about 3 weeks before we met. During those 3 weeks, we discussed everything... sex, honesty, faithfullness, cheating, etc. Everything we both said sounded wonderful.

Well, about a month ago, I checked the site out of curiosity (I hadn't been there since I met him) and noticed that he is still active. On top of that, someone that is friends of my friend, has been chatting with him...I know this because it is the same name, the same height, the same job - no coincidence at all (My friends haven't met him yet).

SO, my dilemma now is, how do I ask him about him being active online? He is 34 I am 32. Both single, both successful careers, neither of us has kids.
How can I best approach this? I mean everytime we are together and even when we are not, he tells me how he likes me and wants us to be together for a long time & when I joke that he may be still 'looking' he says that he would never jeopardize what we have. So, I know there must be a reason for him being online and I am fully prepared to walk away but I need to find a way of bringing this up without sounding jealous or out of my mind...

Thanks! Advice
You could sit him down and talk with him about this openly. The thing is, if he denies it, you'll never know whether he's lying or if he's being faithful and committed to you. So I wouldn't take the word of a friend of a friend to ruin this friendship. Do it yourself by writing to this guy on the board and ask pointed questions that only your guy would know the answers to. Then you will know if it's really him or not. The only risk is if it's not your guy, and your guy finds out you've been flirting online with someone else, then you're stuck in explaining why you're doing it.

It might be that he enjoys the fun of the online dating scene without wanting to carry it further into real life, where you are. He might just be playing around, not doing anything that he feels is really hurtful to the relationship.

In any case, you need to get this cleared up so you can move on one way or another.

Good luck and let us know how it turns out!

-- from Marc
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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