The Rocky Road of a Relationship

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
okay hi about 3 days ago me and my boyfriend got into a fight and he told me to leave his house .. so i left and i called him like 30 min later and he told me im not allowed over there anymore and we shouldnt be together.. and we always break up when we have big fights but lately its been gettin serious hes told me he doesnt wanna be with me well we broke up and i said your only doing this cuz we argued and he said he was tryin to find a way that day on how to tell me he doesnt wanna be with me

well we havent gotten back togtether and he wont give me another chance he said he only loves me as a friend but i know he loves me more he juss doesnt want to admit it cuz weve ben together almost 2 years theres no way he only loves me as a friend..

well tha other nite he messed around with me.. and he told me dont let it get to my head... well i dont know what to do he said it hurts him but it hurts him more when i leave him alone but i dont want him to move on should i leave him alone for the weekend or keep tryin or what i dont know what to do.. please help... i want him back and i want another chance how do i get him back

RomanceClass.com Advice
First, it sounds like your relationship was rocky even though you were together for 2 years. A healthy relationship doesn't involve constant breakups and fighting. It's about trust, and people knowing they will be there for each other. In your relationship, it sounds like it was assumed that you *wouldn't* be there for each other and that one of you would take off if any trouble erupted. So for him to then say he just wasn't happy with that seems reasonable, and to say that he didn't want to go forward with it also seems reasonable.

There still seems to be sexual interest on his part but he's emotionally too hurt to keep going. So if you're going to have any chance at this working, you really have to focus on the issues that have been wrong with the relationship all this time, and work on *fixing* them. The core seems to be that together the two of you do not actively respect each other or the relationship. If you did, it would not be so full of heated arguments and breakups. So you need to start fresh.

Read about setting the scene for a talk -

http://www.romanceclass.com/miscr/howto/hardtalk.asp

and sit down together. Say that you KNOW the relationship before had serious problems, but that you still care for HIM and you know he cares for you. And that together you both can find a way to build a new, healthy relationship. Agree NOT to fight in the old way any more. I have tons of tips on healthy discussions on the site. Read them and *stick* with them. Agree to NEVER break up during a fight. That's a sign of weakness, that you run away at a sign of trouble. Set the groundrules and then stick with them.

It won't be easy. You have years of bad habit built into you both. But if you both want to save the relationship, it's the way you need to go. Good luck!

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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