I'm afraid to love my husband of 19 years.

Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
I'm afraid to love my husband of 19 years. TO be more specific, I'm afraid of being hurt and disappointed by his actions. I'm afraid of never resolving conflicts. I'm afraid he will not love me like I want to be loved. I'm afraid he won't consider my feelings about disagreements we get into, etc.,etc. I've learned to shut my heart off with him. It keeps me safe. Of course, this doesn't do our relationship any good, but I don't know how to let my guard down. I've been disappointed and hurt too many times to count and this time I just can't seem to give in once more to try and make the marriage work. I'm not sure what to do. I've considered separation, which i know would be one way to not have to "Worry" about being "Afraid" to love him because i wouldn't be obligated to. How do i decide what to do? Or what should he do? Is this a problem that i should run away from by separating from him? Will I ever be able to love him with my whole heart or has too much damage been done??

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RomanceClass.com Advice
There's always opportunity to open your heart and heal from past hurts. It sounds to me like you should look into some marriage counselling to get through this. I don't recommend separating because it sounds like you want the marriage to work, despite your fear of feeling. If you were to separate, you would only carry this problem into a new relationship.

Take the time to care for this relationship. Do the counselling sessions and be honest about what you're feeling and what you're afraid of. The counsellor would be able to help you move past that to a loving, open relationship.

Good luck!


-- from Marc
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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Seek counseling
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