i have a really unique problem i think

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
hi..
i have a really unique problem i think... i just need some honest advice on it...

i had been seeing this girl for around 6 months when my family found out, and were totally out of control, they locked me up and tried to prevent me from even going to college... they really made me fee really shallow and since we had been physical, they made me feel really guilty ... but somehow, me and my girlfriend held together and its been 1 year and 3 months since that time... so much has happened, i will try to summarize it from the begening...

when we met, i really dint know a lot about her except that she had had a boyfried long ago...

later three months into the relationship, this ex boyfriend keeps contacting her and she keeps responding, when i object ... she tries to turn it down with him but still continues... they had a relationship for 4 years i find out later... around this time we get physical with each other...
comes valenties day 3 months later, she wants to meet him to say its over... i trust her immensely... she spends the whole day with him and meets me in the evening... she cries in the movie we are watching ... remembering him.... now i get a little upset... we go to my place and she is not intrested in my cards or candle light dinner much... when we started making out, her ex calls and she tries to ignore his calls...

a few days later we have a big fight about his involvement in her life, i beg her to stop talking to him, she dosent tell him while talking to him, its over between them, she never does when she talks to him, she does tell him, its none of ur buisness now who i am with and where i am and things like that...

now after that my family finds out... and we are seperated, i used to stay alone but now the move me in with my uncle who also knows the reason they moved me, it is in his house i am trapped...

after 2 days i take a risk and call her from the landline in my uncles house and she says she cant talk now... beacuse she was at the beach with her ex... at 1:00am ...

now i get upset... i quietly go to my room, then the phone rings, my uncle picks up and her ex threatens him that i am harrasing his wife...

i get royally screwed for calling her...

my family tells me they have found out all about her and she is a girl with a very bad character, but dont tell me their source... so i dont believe them...

after this, she completelyt ended it with her ex.. no calls nothing..

time went by, and we were seeing each other without my familys knowledge...

after i finshed my college, i told her i will try to convince my family for us... she said she wont be able to live without me... the total almost 2 years we spent were really great for me and i think it was the same for her... so i moved back with my parents who stayed out of town...

we kept having a long distance relationship... now comes the problem...

in all this while we were together, there were some things i dint like that she used to go out with guys partying and boozing, so i asked her to not do that... its not good for her... she had stopped for these two years...

now i am out of town, and slowly she has resumed most of the things she used to do, wear skimpy clothes which i objected to , go out with other guys, she claims only as friends... there is this one friend of hers, who was crazy about her, and she tells me we have been seeing a lit of each other... says she dosent love him...

but when she tells me i love you, dosent seem from the heart anymore... i feel so so bad, thoughts of suiside come to mind... dont know what to do... she says she loves me and wants me to come back... but i am afraid after i cause all the trouble in my house trying to convince my family, will she be the same, will she love me the way she did?... and my family is pushing for me to get engaged to another girl, of their choice... i dont know anything about that girl, and i am still crazy about my girlfriend...

i am so depressed these days, as i dont know what to do, and wether i am right or not... sometimes i feel, i shud just stop thinking of my girlfriend as she never cared really if she could be with someone else so easily...

there is so much more to write, but i hope what i have written is a sufficient outline for my problem...

i really hope u can help me... there is no one else i can talk to.... since i moved here i dont even have many friends... and i dont feel like talking to anyone new, as the only thoughts in my head are about my girlfriend...

i have decided not to call her, but like before, i am not able to stop myself...and when she talks to me nicely, i forget everything else... am i mad?

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RomanceClass.com Advice
This girl of yours does not sound like she deserves all the devotion that you give her. She has a lifestyle that you diverted her from, but left alone she drifts back to it again. She's out with an exboyfriend at 1am. She's acting distant and you're not sure if she still loves you like she did.

You need to have a serious talk with her to discuss whether the two of you can work this out or not. Try to get her to be dead honest about everything, because I suspect that she's trying to snow you.

Parents can be weird sometimes, but they are looking out for your own good and though they've been a little extreme about it, they must see something in her that you don't, and you should try to see her from their viewpoint and see if any of it's valid.

I strongly suggest that you find a counsellor to listen to you. There are plenty that have a sliding scale if you don't have insurance. Talking to someone about all this will make you feel a whole lot better and they would be able to give you a clearer perspective on the whole thing.

I wish you luck,

--Jenn



-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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