He's Checking Out Dating Sites

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
My boyfriend of nine months has been logging onto two different match sites. He still has an ad on Tickle, and it says that he's single looking for deep romance. He doesn't know that I know about it, and I don't want to go behind his back.

I "don't think" he's cheating, I think he's just going online, but to me it's cheating. I'm really upset, and really hurt. Do you think I'm over-reacting? Could it be that he's just doing it for an ego boost?? He's checked the site within the last 3 days, so that means he's been checking it often. I don't know if this is worth breaking up over, or if I am being silly.

RomanceClass.com Advice
I suppose you could divide cheaters up into two categories. In one category is the guy who is loyal and true, and who gets seduced by a slinky evil woman at work. He resisted, but she kept after him until he caved in. To me that is "at least he tried" cheating.

On the other hand we have guys like YOUR guy who are actively going out there and trolling! So what happens when he meets a hot chick? He's going to start talking to her. And then what happens if they hit it off and she wants to meet him? I doubt he'll say no. He'll think, "Well we're just having drinks together". And it'll keep snowballing, and soon he and this new chick are dating and you're left behind. Because he is actively scoping out to see what else is out there.

A boyfriend is supposed to be dedicated to you, thinking about you. He isn't supposed to be out roaming singles bars at night or checking out other womens' profiles to find people to talk to. Sure, it's only the first step. But the first step to WHAT. It shows intention of making connections to other women. And he is NOT supposed to be heading in that direction.

Cheating is at its core an emotional betrayal - a betrayal of trust and honesty. The physical betrayal is just a secondary thing. He's already betrayed your trust. If you can't even trust him on a computer, how can you possibly trust him with a real life female near him?

I'd have a talk with him, tell him you know, and ask him to stop. If he's not willing to stop, he's not ready to date seriously yet. Find someone who is more worthy of your time and affection.

-- Lisa

-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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