Well, It just so happens in the end he did do something with her

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
Hello. I wrote to you previously about being jealous & having a boyfriend I thought liked another girl... http://www.romanceclass.com/miscr/advice/2242

Well, It just so happens in the end he Did do something with her & I found out 3 months later..
We were dating for over a year now and in February I found out that he made out with his ex-girlfriend on 2 occassions (The same girl I was always worried about) after I asked him about it.. He denied and the next day he came clean... He said he didn't know how to tell me...

I know, I know, It was stupid but eventually I took him after alot of thinking & talking.. Even my mother told me I should give him one last chance!!!!

So I did.. And things are accually better than ever with us.. Except now, I'm always worried and jealous and cautious... Of course there are still rumors floating around like he did it more times than 2 and stuff but I believe him... But when I do mention stuff to him that I hear he gets mad that I don't believe him.. He also gets mad when I ask him about certain things like "Do you still talk to her"

I know he stopped but I can't help feeling that he secretly started again..
I know I'm psycho, but it's so hard assuming things for 9 months and having everyone tell you you're crazy & psycho, and then just having everything you were suspicious about come true...

I don't want to be like this... I hate how I am.. I know they didn't do anything else but it hurts knowing I never found out about it till much later and that while I was with him he had feelings for her...

Like I said before, I know I was stupid for taking him back but it's been 4 months since then and I can't break up with him now over something I took him back for then.. Let alone I dont want to since everything is pretty much better now between us except for me & all my psycho-ness.. I don't want to have to keep bringing her up but I can't stop thinking about it..

Like I said though, now there probly isen't anything going on with them but I'll always assume it because I was right last time.. And I don't want to keep talking to him about her because I know he gets mad & uncomphortable because I did bring it up alot...

I don't want to break up with him.. I just need some advice.. On how to make myself stop assuming all the time.. Or anything else that might help..

I'd appreciate it alot...
Thanks~

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RomanceClass.com Advice
We have an ebook for sale on jealousy that you might want to look at:
http://www.romanceclass.com/ebooks/jealousy_f.asp

He shouldn't get mad everytime you bring up his ex. He should be apologetic and understanding that he's the one that caused you to be so upset with him. I suppose there is a point where you should just let it go, but I don't think he has the right to decide when that point is. He has a lot of making up to do.

The only way you can get over it is to continuously remind yourself that you need to get over it. When you think of her and start feeling that horrible jealousy creeping in, then tell yourself again and again that you trust him now and you will believe in him and in your relationship. Trust and faith are believing without reason. So you're choosing to take him at his word that nothing more will go on between them. If he betrays you again, then you can take action, but until then, you want to believe him. So whenever you feel doubtful, remind yourself that you are committed to him and to the relationship. And the only way to do that is to trust him. And repeating that often enough will make it easier to live with.

Good luck!

Jenn


-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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