Can you help ease the mind and heart of a confused and heartbroken man??

Visitor's Question from a 41-50 year old Male
I'm trying to deal with the pain resulting from my failed marriage. My wife of 13 years has had a real problem with jealousy. She would angrily accuse me of flirting with women when there just plain wasn't anything there, then become furious when I denied it. This happened so many times. I never cheated on her, truly loved her, was always emotionally supportive but felt like I walked on eggshells to avoid her jealousy and "quick to take offense" nature. Imagine my surpise when she announced that she was ending our marriage and would not deny that she was seeing someone else. I was - and remain - heartbroken, and furious that after all the years of putting up with her unfounded jealousy she leaves me for someone else, and doesn't even have the courage to admit it and come clean about what happened. Now she has left only her wedding dress in my closet as a final act of spite. Can you help ease the mind and heart of a confused and heartbroken man??

Thanks Advice
I understand the pain you're in. And the only thing that will really fix it is time. You will feel better, slowly but surely. The pain won't ever go away, I don't think something as major as a divorce ever is really healed, but you will gain a sense of perspective about it.

Your wife had some serious self-esteem issues where she was so uncertain of herself, she accused you of looking at others out of fear you'd leave her for someone new or better. If she did cheat on you, it was probably with the justification that finally she met someone who admired her, the way you admire other women (this is not -true- this is just what she would think to rationalize her cheating!).

I empathize with how heartbroken you are feeling. When you've done everything right, it feels so wrong when everything crashes down on you. It feels like there's no justice in the world. The only hope I can extend to you is that you will get over the breakup and you will be in a better position to meet someone new who will appreciate you for everything you are. Your next relationship will be much better because you've been through this very rough time. You'll be able to judge your next partner better as a result. And you'll have a happier life.

In the meantime, take it easy on yourself. You would expect someone with a broken leg to need time to mend and heal. Extend to yourself the same compassion. You've experienced a trauma, comfort yourself until you feel better. Take up activities that you love to do, enjoy friendships and make new friends. Take a vacation to clear your head.

Take care,


-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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