I found out that she and my older brother used to have SEX

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male

My girlfriend used to date my older brother when she was 16 and my older brother at the time was 24. They dated for about 4 months and broke up. Two years after they broke up I started dating her. After some time later we had Sex together and later she ask me if I am a virgin. I told her that I am not a virgin and I told her I was in a 3 year relationship before her. She told me she was a virgin and I am her first one. She told me that when she dated my older brother they only KISSED and nothing more. I trust her 100% on what she told me. Two years later and we are still happy together. All this time I am thinking how wonderful she is and I feel like she is an angel on earth. But one afternoon I found out that she and my older brother used to have SEX. I kinda tricked her to tell me, by saying my brother told me everything but in fact he said nothing. After the bad news I changed my view on her from angel to something else. I don't really mind if a girl is virgin or not, the problem I am having is 2 years of dating with her I always think that I was her first one. And now it turns out that my brother was her first one. I am kinda mad at her because she was only 16 and already having sex. And what makes thing worst is that I see my brother everyday at the office, he is the manager at our company. Everytime I see my brother I think of how he can do that to a 16 years old. I am going crazy here. Please let me know how can I handle this. I still love her very much, and I am always cool with my brother. I don't want to let this get into our way, after all they dated 4 years ago.

RomanceClass.com Advice
Ok, so she lied to you. About something that you take pretty seriously. You are going to have a lot to get over. But it's not impossible. Here's some facts I researched...

From a respected Web site: "Nearly three-quarters (72 percent) of sexually active teen girls report that they wished they had delayed sexual activity. Among sexually active teenage girls, those with regrets concerning their initial sexual activity outnumbered those without regrets by nearly three to one."

Another: "In Great Britain and Northern Ireland, 18.7 percent of women report first intercourse before age 16."

Another: "By age 17, approximately half of all adolescents have experienced sexual intercourse, some before puberty, many first at age 15 to 16"

Your girlfriend is perfectly normal in having sex at 16. Apparently, she didn't feel good about it and felt she needed to lie in order to keep your good opinion of her. Yes, she was wrong to lie to you, but there was reason behind it.

Your brother is kind of a slime for having sex with her, but maybe she put herself as being more mature than the average 16 yr old. We don't know what went on between them. But it was long ago, you should have the grace of heart to move past this and regain your relationship with him.

I think that you should be able to regain your opinion of your girlfriend as being an angel. Two years now and you've had a wonderful relationship. She is an angel to you. Move past this and regain your relationship with her.

Forgiveness is what will cure your feeling crazy. You need to let this go and not let it ruin your life.

Good luck!

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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