She Blew her Chance at our Relationship

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
I GAVE MY GIRLFRIEND A LAST CHANCE AT OUR RELATIONSHIP AND SHE BLEW IT. SHE IS ALWAYS THREATENING HERSELF, ME, AND MY FAMILY. HOW DO I TELL HER THAT IT IS OVER?

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RomanceClass.com Advice
It sounds like she's not an easy person to get along with. Which means breaking up with her won't be easy either. But she's going to have to learn and grow if she's going to get anywhere in life, and you certainly do not deserve to be threatened.

Sit down with her somewhere quiet, and explain that you two are just not happy any more. Hopefully this is obvious to her if she's threatening people. That's not the way happy people act. If she gets upset or angry, just let her. She has a right to have emotions, breakups are never easy. Don't yell at her or blame her. Just say that you two don't get along. Most relationships break up, it's part of the learning process as people learn what they like and don't like in a relationship. So it's normal. Don't get sucked into arguing. Just agree with her. Yes, it's sad that you're breaking up. No, there really isn't any way to stay together, because you're simply not happy together. Yes, she's angry. Yes, you're sorry she's angry. But that's how life goes, people break up, they go on with their lives and find someone better suited.

Point out that this is better for both of you. Obviously you weren't the right guy for her if she was always so angry with you. Somewhere out there is THE right guy for her, that she will be very happy with. It doesn't happen to be you, so by 'setting her free' she's now able to find that guy and be really happy.

Again if she rants or raves, just let it wash over you. It's just one night of patience that you have to go through and then it's over. So let her wear herself out, and then say goodbye. If she makes threats, let your parents know, and that she is now out of your life. If she actually does something that appears to be heading towards harmful, tell her parents and tell the police. It's always better to be prepared, just in case. Just don't return phone calls, watch caller ID, and after a while she'll lose energy and go on with her life.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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