He's Persuing Other Women On Line
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old FemaleI have been having a long distance (3 hours drive) relationship, for 2 years. We met on line, in a match making site. I travel almost every weekend to meet him and be together.
Recently, I found out, with evidence, that he has continued chatting and emailing women using different identities. He first denied, then, with no other choice, admitted to some, and said he was looking for me...? We had agreed months ago about being exclusive to each other in every way. He is always available physically to me, when i want ot meet him. Most of his contacts have been overseas, though lately he started chatting local women. He has been dishonest, lied to me about it, broke our contract on exclusivity. Is there a chance?
RomanceClass.com AdviceIt sounds like this guy really isn't ready to be in a serious relationship. If you tell someone you are going to be exclusive with them, you do NOT sneak around by making other identities and actively persuing other women. It's not like he was in a bar with friends and other women came up to him, and he just sort of flirted with them. He actively took the step to make other accounts. He then actively took steps to hook up with other women and spend time with them. And then when you caught him at it, he lied to you about it!
If you can't trust him to stay true to his word, and if he *proactively* seeks out other women despite saying you were the only one for him, he's just not someone you can rely on or base a relationship on. Relationships are founded on trust and honesty. You have to be able to rely on this person to watch your back, stay by your side. If you are always second-guessing where they are, who they are with, and if they'll be there for you tomorrow, that's not a partner.
Maybe your only hope would be to have him to go therapy with you and work through his issues. But that would only be if you really want to go through long-term "retraining" of him as he gains some maturity. There's no guarantee that he'll actually be dependable afterwards, either. Maybe he's just a guy that likes lots of women and won't ever settle for one. If it's been long distance anyway, I might cut him back to being a good friend and open myself up to other more meaningful relationships in the area.
There are THOUSANDS of guys out there who dream of meeting a woman who is honest and trustworthy. There's no reason for you to settle for a guy who is neither.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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