Maybe that's all he is ready for now

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
My man and i have been "seeing"(!) each other for about 7 months now and i really want to be able to officially say we are a couple. Everybody thinks of us as a couple, including his friends, and neither of us has kissed or slept with another person since we first started "seeing" each other. But he on the other hand says that he doesn't want a relationship and just wants to be single and that he just wants to "see" me!!! whenever i bring the subject up he becomes defensive and distant. his best friend came up to me the other day and told me that my man was in love with me and that i am all he ever talks about, he just cant show it to me. i dont understand what the difference would be if we became a couple as neither of us goes off with other people anyway. I know that he's had a lot of family troubles and a close death in the family, also several bad break ups from 2 long term relationships. but i really cant understand his behaviour or understand how i should behave towards him. please please help me as my friends cant take anymore of my going on at them!! Advice
My first reaction is to say that you should let things stay the way they are because, obviously, he is not ready to advance your relationship.

However, the bigger problem is that you cannot communicate with him. It is essential that you two learn to communicate and trust each other. He has been burnt in the past. That is something he has to get the nerve to talk about. It isn't fair to you for him to be distant when you want to talk. How about dropping the push for a more "official" relationship and instead work on the communication. You don't need to start off with the troublesome areas, but just let him get used to talking with you about anything that comes up. Keep the talk flowing and trust will develop. You will both feel better and it might lead to the more formal relationship you need. It will take hard work on your part if you are willing to do it.

I hope this works out for you,

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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