I love him - he's with someone else

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
I've been seeing this guy for a year now and I feel that I really do love him. I've done so many things for this man and we talk everyday. The only problem is that he's already put a ring on someone else's finger, long before we knew each other. He's 24 now and I'm 17. He tells me that he loves me and that we're going to be together as soon as I turn 18. Is he just playing with me? How should I go about letting go of him?

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RomanceClass.com Advice
Just how does he think he'll be with you when he's 18 if he's already married or engaged to someone else? Is he just using this other woman until you turn 18, and then he plans to dump her and turn her out? This really sounds like a guy you should stay far, far away from.

There are only two choices here in what he's doing. Either he's using you as a plaything, and doesn't have any intention of leaving the other woman. Which means he's cheating on her and using you.

Or the other alternative is that he does plan on leaving her - meaning he's already proven that he's perfectly capable of making an important commitment to someone and then trashing that commitment the moment that something else more appealing comes along.

Believe me, in life there is ALWAYS someone more appealing out there if that is the mindset. Someone who is capable of cheating because "I feel like it" will not just stop feeling like it. When YOU turn 24, another young thing will be 17. The fact that he can cheat now means he can cheat again later, and you'll never know when the mood will hit him. You'll never be able to trust him.

I know it's very flattering to have an older guy interested in you, especially when you're 17 or 18. But you have to take care of YOU first. You deserve a guy that loves you fully, not one that is either being slimy to you OR to another woman or to both of you. You deserve a guy who can be honest and loving and caring, not one capable of lying to a woman that he has made a commitment to.

If he intends to leave his wife, he should do it NOW. He should not be betraying her. If he doesn't intend to leave her, you should find someone who will love you and be there for you - not someone capable of constant lying and betrayal. But my strong recommendation is that you get clear of him no matter what. Someone capable of lying and betrayal will use those tools all their life.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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