We were engaged, my Fiance called it quits
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old MaleI am writing because I was engaged to be married and my ex fiance called off the wedding a day before the wedding. It has been a little over a month and I'm still dealing with the hurt. I guess what I'm struggling with is how could someone love someone like this and end it. I mean we went and signed the marriage liscense, practiced our wedding kiss, she even wrote my wedding card the night before she called it off. How can I trust again when someone says I love You? She was going through the motions, but let fall flat on my face. She said she needed to figure stuff out and it was too hard for her to do it when I'm in the picture. What can I do?
RomanceClass.com AdviceI don't think she's saying she doesn't love you. There's a big difference between loving someone and being ready to be with that one person, and NO other person, for the entire rest of your life. I imagine she got scared as the date got closer, and wondered if she really had known you long enough or well enough to make that decision. It depends a lot on how long you guys had been dating. If you'd been dating less than a year, then she's probably right to want to spend more time to really get to know you. But if you'd been dating for more than a year, it may be the commitment part that spooked her.
In either case, hopefully she sat down with you and explained to you what she was feeling and what bothered her and what exactly she didn't like. She owes that to you, if she made the commitment to say yes to your proposal.
However, something she'll learn in life is that running away is never the answer, and that if you love someone, you need to solve your problems WITH them and not by running FROM them. If you make it a habit to run away when things get tough, you'll never make much progress in the world. That's what a serious relationship is all about, staying together when it's good AND bad. It sounds like she's having some trouble with this concept.
In any case, I would talk to her and see how she is feeling now. And be there for her, assuming you want this to work out. Relationships aren't about someone just running off when they are confused. It's about two people working actively through the issue and finding solutions. She needs to mature her thinking from a "Me alone - what will I do?" into a "We together, how can we work on this" point of view.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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