Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
Ok my question or advice that I'm asking about has to do with cheating. In a sense I didn't cheat (as in I wasn't the one who had the significant other) but my best guy friend did with me on his girlfriend. I know thats wrong, wrong, wrong and after twenty some-ish years I told myself I would never first of all EVER cheat or be the other person (ie. the other girl). But things happen and I broke my vow.
First off me and this guy started out as friends in the beginning, then after a year or two took it the level of being friends with privilges and we were both cool with it ( I wanted more out if it of course but at the time that wasn't what he was looking for) and we both remained really close and did stuff with each other's families all the times, like barbeques etc. Then.....he got himself a girlfriend (someone much younger then himself I might add) and our friendship drifted apart because his girlfriend and I don't get along at all and he'll act different around me when he's with her.
So about 5 months into their relationship I had gone over to his house to visit (we were still friends despite my problem with his girlfriend, though we didn't hang out really anymore like we use too). And it was just him out at his house and we were watching TV and talking, then pretty soon we were cuddling and joking around with each other and then one thing led to another and you can guess the rest. Anyways, I know its bad to do what I did but thats a different story. So the next day after that he had a 'big' talk with me and told me how he missed our 'talks' that we always use to have (cause he use to tell me EVERYTHING about his life) and how he wanted us to go back to the way we were before he got a gf etc. And we talked about how his gf doesn't like me because she thinks I'm a threat (big surprise huh). Bottom line was that he missed having me as a friend I guess. So I brought up the topic of well, what was last night all about then? And he said he just had a different way of figuring things out, and he told me not to feel bad and he didn't want me to feel like he was using me either (he said those words). I did ask him if there had been feelings for me that he had had before he started going out with his gf and he said that I had just had bad timing when it had come to us and going out. So ya we were cool with each other and he wasn't going to tell his gf about us obviously. Soo then like 2 months later he ended up cheating on his gf again with this one girl one night when he was really wasted. He doesn't remember what happened that night, but he knew something had. So he was really upset with himself and he DID tell his gf about that. She forgave him of course and he's given up drinking pretty much cause thats what he thinks was partly to blame for it. So we talked about that....about him and this other girl....and you could tell he was really kicking himself over that one etc. So I asked him, I told him you seem pretty upset about this but how come you weren't when it was you and me? And he goes, well that was obviously different. (So whats that suppose to mean?) And I did ask him then seeing as how he had told his gf about his infidelity that one drunken night if he was gonna tell her about me and him too and he told me no; he goes, why would I do that? So whats wrong with this picture? I don't know if he's seriously into this girlfriend of his or if he's just really undecided on what he wants in life right now. Was I just an old hook up for him, or was it away of seeing if he still had some sort of feelings for me?? Men are soo confusing sometimes. I'd appreciate any advice. Thanks soo much! Advice
He seems pretty attached to his girlfriend.

What happened with you was "one thing led to another" based on prior experience. The drunk night was a drunk night.

None of this looks good on his record. In fact you might reconsider your interest in him. Why would you want to be involved with this guy? If you are going to continue to be his friend, it will be your responsibility to keep it a pure friendship since he has proven he can't do it himself. You, of course, share some of the blame for what happened.

I don't think he was testing his feelings for you, I think it just happened.

Good luck!

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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