She's Long Distance Dating Another Guy

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
Hey I'm writing you in rather sad terms.......There's this girl who's a friend of mine and we're pretty close.Anyways we usually go to a movie at least once or twice a month,so I decided maybe it was time to step it up a notch.So I went straight out and told her how I feel.I'm sure it wasn't any surprise she was my date to our school semi formal,and as I've said we have been seeing eachother.

Well this is where it goes bad there's this guy that was a really good freind of her's who lives in another Province.I'd rather not say which one either of us live in but I'll say it's quite a ways difference at least a 2 day drive maybe 1 if you drove straight without stopping.Anyways he was back for about a week,and I think a spark ignited.Anyways when I asked her out she said that she was gonna have a relationship with him.He even sent flowers on Valentine's day.....I dunno but is it just me or does it seem strange about a relationship with a guy that far away?

We had a talk about it and she said and I quote after a little discussion"if things dont work for me and XXX then maybe we can work think about it" I have no idea what she's trying to say so I just said alright sounds good we can be freinds maybe something more another time.So now it seems we're way closer,and we just get along really good so I'm not too disapointed it sounds like she's saying when she breaks up with this dude she's maybe gonna go out with me.So I'll stick to being her freind and stuff.

I'd like you guys to tell me what you think,and how I should go from here.I'm 15 years old and she's just turned 16 we're close in age so advice should be for a person my age not a bachelor that 30 living in Miami ok thanx later Advice
Well first, yes, long distance dating *can* work but it takes a ton of effort and a huge commitment on both peoples' parts. A lot of times it doesn't work because it's hard to keep it up for any length of time. It really works best when both people know each other and have already been together for say a year or two, and then have to "weather being apart for a while". It doesn't tend to work as the starting point of a relationship because you've never built up that connection.

It's also easy in a long distance relationship to only see the good of each other because the person is never there to annoy you or to be cranky or whatever. You see the best parts of each other, the sweet gifts and loving phone calls. So she probably has this idealistic view of the other guy.

In any case, I'd stay around and be her friend. It's very likely that after a few months she'll not really want to keep up the work involved, or that he'll find someone local to him and not want the long distance one any more. Especially when summer comes, it's hard to maintain a long distance relationship when there are lots of fun things to do right where you live, and fun guys to do them with.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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