Well, come to find out he had been seeing a 19 year old girl behind my back

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
Hi, my name is B* and I am 23 years old. I am having some problems in my "relationship" right now. It is such a long story but I will try to just include the details. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years and have lived together for a majority of that time. He has a 2 year old daughter that I have raised. Back in April he did not know what he wanted anymore. I want to get married and he did not know if that was what he wanted. I left and went to my moms. About a month later he wanted me to come home, I wanted to give it a little more time and during that time he found out that he was going to Iraq for about a year. I noticed that he did not want to be around me that much but he used his mom for his excuse because she absolutly HATES me. I am understanding so I believed him. Well, come to find out he had been seeing a 19 year old girl behind my back (he is 30 and a local cop.) He denied it until he had to finally admit it. I heard rumors but I believed him. So, about a week after we broke up he was home for a few days (his grandpa died) and he told me that he still loved me and hoped that when he got back that we could start all over and I could trust him again. Everyone tells me to move on and leave him and not wait. I think he is wanting this girl to end it with him so he don't have to be the bad guy. It went from him hardly calling me to him calling me all of the time. I love him and I do believe that people make mistakes and everyone deserves a second chance. The problem I am having is that his mom really likes this 19 year old girl and he does not want to argue with her right now because of the war. Which I understand but, I am afraid that when he does come home she is going to try to push him to be with her. She is jealous of our relationship and the fact that I raised her granddaughter, whom I probably wont even get to see now. I dont know what to do. I think that he is sincere that he wants to continue our relationship when he gets back but I know that he listens to his mom alot also. What should I do about the cheating, his mom, and the other girl? Please help me.

RomanceClass.com Advice
You are stuck right in the middle and you have my sympathy.

A lot of this depends on your boyfriend, how much he loves you, and how courageous he is.

Ideally, he would leave the little girl with you and the grandmother would only get to see her with your permission. That would put you in the driver's seat but it would also put your boyfriend in his mother's dog house. It would take a lot of courage on his part to make that arrangement.

It doesn't sound like you are devastated by his cheating, so I suppose you could forgive him for that and continue your romance until he is back from Iraq. The other girl is left with nothing.

A lot depends on how serious you are about him and how much risk and abuse (from his mother) you are willing to take.

I wish you a lot of luck!

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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